Solar Eclipse
by IwritesoIam
Summary: I always wanted to give Jacob his moment. What would happen if Edward didn't call right when Jacob was about to kiss Bella in the kitchen?
1. Break Me

**THANKS FOR READING MY STORY. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT!**

**DISCLAIMER**: I_ do not own The Twilight Saga or any of the characters. The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyers. I am writing this for fun and have not and will not seek any financial gain for this story._

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**CHAPTER 1: BREAK ME**

The heat of his hands cupping my face seeped through me. I felt a flush bloom over my cheeks and race down my neck. I was afraid. I had been fighting for so long to just not have to choose. Jacob had made it clear that he wanted to be more than friends and if I had not been so selfish, If I had not needed him so desperately I would cut him off and let him move on a long time ago. My heart still longed for Edward and I knew that I could never love Jacob that way. It was wrong to hold on to him the way I did but I could not find the strength to let him go. I had told Jacob a million times that we were just friends. Told him a million different ways that I did not love him the same way he loved me. But I knew that every time I held his hand, every time I laid my head on his chest, every time I hugged him I was saying something different.

There was a piece of my heart that belonged just to him and not matter how small it was I could not wield the knife that cut him out willingly. If I let him kiss me now and rejected him there would be consequences. I could not keep telling him no when he so desperately wanted a yes and think that we would stay friends. He would not abandon be with Victoria still on the loose but he would be bound by honor and not love.

I stared into his eyes and knew this would be the last time he looked at me with love in them. This was goodbye. I wanted to etch this moment in my memory. I tried to get a clear picture of him as he was right now. The way his blue black hair was in slight disarray as if he had been absentmindedly running his hands through it. The way the florescent lights in the kitchen still gave his bronze skin a flattering hue. I would miss his long eyelashes and perfect nose. His big ears that were just right for his head and his plump lips. Lips that spoken so many works of love. Lips that were slightly parted and so near that I could feel his breath against mine.

He hesitated a moment and then ever so gently touched his lips to mine. Not even a kiss really but a touch of his lips as if to gauge my reaction to him being this close. I stayed still hands at my side. He pulled back a bit and looked into my eyes. Whatever he saw there brought his lips back to mine still gently. I closed my eyes as he placed feather light kisses on my bottom lip, my chin and the corner of my mouth.

It was a strange sensation. I had only ever been kissed by Edward and his lips were hard and unyielding. No matter how urgently I kissed him he would never yield to me the way I yielded. There is a measure of both conquest and surrender in a kiss that I had not experienced until I felt Jacobs lips on mine. There are equal parts give and take. With Edward there was only so much he would take no matter how much I was willing to give. I'd wanted him to change me so we could be equals. To balance the scales in our enormously lopsided relationship. But he would not yield and in the end that's what caused him to leave. He would never give into me. No matter how much I loved him it wasn't enough. It had to be his way or not at all. And I had loved him in spite of that hoping that with time I make him see things my way.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Tears for what could have been with Edward and what would never be with Jacob. Tears because just once I wish Edward would have surrendered to me and let me choose. My heart clenched in my chest as Jacob trailed kisses up my jawline to my earlobe.

He ran his nose up and down the length of my ear of few times before he uttered in a choked whisper "Bella. I love you. I'd do anything. Give anything . Just please Bella. Please. Whatever you're willing to give."

My heart leapt in my throat because a part of me wanted to know what it would feel like to be loved like this. To be loved by Jacob. To surrender to him and have him surrender to me in equal parts. I wanted it so badly that it hurt. I wanted to kiss him until he gave all of himself to me. I wanted to claim as mine once and for all. Could I do it? Could I let Edward go?

I turned my face and kissed Jacob looking for the answer feeling his lips soft yet firm give beneath mine. I kissed him again harder this time and he moaned sliding his hands into my hair and his tongue into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his waist as our tongues glided over one another my fingers clenching at this t shirt.

Jacob grabbed my upper -arms and started walking me backwards steering me across the kitchen till I bumped into the counter. All the while his lips never left mine. He pressed the length of himself against me and I circled my hips ever so slightly eliciting another moan of pleasure. He knotted his hand in my hair and yanked tipping my head back so he could kiss my neck. It was my turn to moan. I would have been embarrassed if it wasn't for the fact that I knew I was making him feel the exact same way.

I kept waiting for him to stop to pull back and say enough. But this was Jacob and he didn't have to be careful. He wanted me as much as I wanted him and there was no fear here. He would give as much as I wanted and take whatever I gave with no apprehensions. He could grope and squeeze without fear that he would break me and I could nip and pull without fear that I would push him too far. I loved the way he reacted to my touch, the way he leaned into my caress. I loved the way the heat of him enveloped me so completely and made me feel safe.

Breathless he pulled his lips away from mine and rested his forehead against mine. "Tell me you love me." Jacob demanded hungrily still pressing me to the counter.

The words were there in my mouth but I was too afraid to say them out loud. I leaned forward to kiss him but he turned his head. He ran his thumb across my across my lips to take the sting out of his rejection.

"Tell me. You love me." He said huskily his eyes boring into my.

"Please Jacob." I whispered leaning forward to kiss him but he leaned away again. "Please," I begged pulling at the front shirt "Kiss me."

He stopped and stared at my lips his jaw clenched deciding whether or not to give in before me. I cupped his cheek and he closed his eyes then turned his head and kissed my palm. He grabbed my other hand and kissed that palm then kissed the inside of my wrist before draping my arms across his shoulder blades. He nuzzled my ear then kissed my temple, my forehead and my eyelids. He kissed my nose, my cheeks, my chin. He kissed the corner of my mouth but when I turned my head to kiss him full on his lips he turned away.

"Jacob. Kiss me." I pled.

He smiled my smile. "I am." He said and the started the circuit of my face again.

I turned away. "Kiss me here." I clarified, putting a finger on my lips. He kissed my finger.

I felt weepy all at once. I stared into Jacobs eyes and saw all the love there and I could feel the tears welling up in mine. I wanted him to give in. I wanted him to capitulate. I needed him to. I needed to know that this was about us not just about him. I needed to know that he could bend for me. That it would be he and I. Give and take. I did not want to feel like I felt when I was with Edward. I didn't want to feel like I was always the one giving in and not being heard. I did not want to feel like what I said did not matter. What I wanted what I needed did not matter. I knew it was stupid I needed him to do what I wanted.

As if reading my mind Jacob grabbed my face and kissed me. Hard. I gasped and his tongue slid into my mouth. He kissed me slow and his hands drifted down my body till they rested on my waist. I wanted him to slide a little lower but I knew he was hesitant. He bit my lip and I buck my hips against him. I ran my left hand down his arm till it rested atop his hand and gently nudged his hand toward his desired goal. I felt his hand go lower then stop. He pulled back and looked into my eyes questioning.

"I want you to touch me." I breathed.

"Where?"

I paused, caught off balance by his boldness. "Everywhere," I said trying to shock him.

He sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw. "No." he said straightening.

"No?" I repeated stupidly and more than a little hurt

"No." he said again.

"You don't want me." I said more to myself.

"How can you say that?" He said angrily "I can barely stay in my skin you make me feel so much."

He kissed me gently. "I love you." He kissed the corner of my mouth "I need you." He kissed my top lip. "I _want_ you." He captured my mouth with his and probed with his tongue. And I kissed him back eagerly. He smiled at my enthusiasm. Then pulled back and kissed my forehead " But I cannot touch you" He paused eyes roaming over my body "Everywhere and not make love to you."

"Make love to me then" I interrupted.

He continued as if I hadn't spoken "- and I can not make love to you if you don't love me. Otherwise It's just sex. " He shrugged, confident that his reasoning would make mw acquiesce.

"What's wrong with just sex."

"What!" He exclaimed looking truly befuddled.

"What's wrong with just sex. Love and lust don't always come hand in hand."

He grappled for a way to frame his thoughts to make me understand. "It does for me Bella. If we crossed that line and then you left me. It would break my heart. I mean if you left me now I'd be heartbroken but it would be different if we were intimate like that. I would break me deeper because I think," He struggled to find the words "I think I'd love you deeper after."

"Then we'd be a matching set." I said tears in my eyes.

"Don't cry. Bella please don't cry," He implored wiping tears from my eyes "What do you mean a matching set.

"Then we'd both be broken." I whimpered. "Could you do it Jacob? Could you risk being broken for me? " I knew I wasn't being fair. I knew I was asking him for everything and without giving anything in return. "I need you." I kissed him softly on the lips "I want you." I said huskily circling my hips. "Isn't that enough?"

He growled frustrated. "Why are you doing this Bella? You want to give me your body but not your heart? You want me to love you knowing that you have no intention of loving me back"

"I never asked you to love me" I yelled pushing him away. "I never asked you to give me your heart. I kept telling you that I was broken," I clenched my chest. "That I couldn't love you the way you love me. I'm broken. Jacob. I'm sorry." I cried, gut wrenching sobs racking my frame because I knew this was the end. I knew he would leave me now. And that I'd never see him again. He'd told me he loved me and I could not bring myself to say that I loved him. It hurt too much. The thought of loving that deeply again terrified me. I slid to the floor and wrapped my arms around my torso and waited for the Jacob piece of my heart to rip itself out.

Jacob bent down next to me and scooped me off the floor. "Don't cry sweet girl." He kissed the top of my head.

I turned in his arms and threw my arms around his neck. "Don't go. Jake. Please don't go" I begged frantic to find a way to make him stay. "I'm so sorry. I just can't. It hurts too much."

He walked me out of the kitchen and into the living. I thought he would deposit me on the couch so I could continue my cry-fest in relative comfort but he walked right past the couch and continued up the stairs. And then I understood, as a final act of kindness he was going to sit with me till I fell asleep and then leave forever. It would be like the time when Sam told him to stay away except it would be infinitely worse. Because it would Jacob willing avoiding me because I couldn't love him back.

Jacob walked us into my room and kicked the door closed behind us. He slid me onto the bed. Then sat next to me and started unlacing his boots.

"Jacob. You should just go. You don't have to sit with me. I'll be fine." I wiped my tear stained face with my sleeve.

Jacob ignored me and kicked off his left boot then began unlacing the other.

"I think it's better is you just go. Why prolong the moment. If I'm never going to see you again I may as well get used to it sooner than later."

Jacob finished loosing the shoe strings on his other boot then kicked it off as well. He stood up walked to my bedroom door and locked it then turned to face me with the most unfathomable look on his face. He pulled his shirt over his head then stepped out of his jeans. He was quivering as if would burst out of his skin. I was afraid. Afraid of the look in his eyes. He looked overwrought, like he was feeling so much it was hard to hold it all in. I saw him take several deep breathes and master his emotions.

He stood there before me clad only in his boxers. He was so beautiful. I wanted to touch him. I wanted run my hands across the corded muscles of his back and the sculpted beauty of his chest. I wanted to kiss his navel and run my fingers in his hair. I wanted to kiss away the pain in eyes. I wanted to tell him that I loved him but I couldn't. I just sat there and stared at him. He watched me watching him and the look in his eyes shifted. He crossed the room and sat next to me on the bed.

He slipped his fingers under my blouse then lifted it over my head.

"Jacob what are you doing?" As much as I wanted him and as much as he wanted me I knew he did not want me like this. I knew he wanted to hear the words that I could not bring myself to say.

"I'm letting you break me." he said then he covered my mouth with his lips and touched me. Ab. so. lutely. Everywhere.


	2. Different But Good

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ AND REVIEWED MY FANFIC SO FAR. IT FEELS AWESOME TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING WHAT I AM WRITING. I'M REALLY EXCITED TO GET THIS STORY OUT. I HAVE WANTED TO WRITE IT FOR SO LONG :)**

**DISCLAIMER: **_I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. THEY BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYERS AND I AM WRITING THIS FOR FUN. I HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT SEEK ANY FINANCIAL GAIN FOR WRITING THESE STORIES._

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**CHAPTER 2: DIFFERENT BUT GOOD**

It was early afternoon and Jacob and I dozed lazily in my bed. I snuggled closer to him, fitting my head under his chin and draping my arm around his torso. He drew small circles in the small of my back and sighed into my hair.

Everything about this moment felt so right and I was a little surprised to feel like that. Just a few weeks ago I would have sworn that only Edward could make everything right. That only Edward could make me happy, make me feel, make me whole again.

Edward and I together had never made sense. But love seldom does. The initial attraction had been so intense. He was compelled by my blood and I was impelled by his beauty. But I was all light cotton and rounded corners and Edward was heavy granite and jagged edges. Fate had thrust us together and it only made sense that after we crashed together I would be the one ripped to shreds.

I thought about the state I was in when Edward first left. I had just sat there in the aftermath staring at all the little pieces of me he had left behind. It hurt to breathe, to think, to be. But then I found that the more time I spent with Jacob things got a little easier to bear. It didn't hurt so much.

The way he looked at me I knew he saw the mess I was. He knew without my saying what not to say. He didn't need to read my mind to know what I was thinking. He could read my eyes and meet a need I had never given voice too. I was still in a million little pieces but Jacob was so attuned to me and had found a way to start the process of stitching me back together.

It was not Jacob's hands, his lips, his body that I had imagined touching me when I gave myself away but he felt so right. It was so different from what I had imagined but that was ok. I felt different too. My body ached. My limbs were sore but in a good way.

But it wasn't just physically that I felt different. Something at the core of me had shifted. When Jacob had started to undress me I had felt a little shy and unsure of myself. I knew Jacob loved me but what if he didn't like the way that I looked. But the way he looked at me, the way he touched me with a sense of awe and reverence, made me feel a confidence I'd never felt before. Jacob made me feel beautiful.

I sighed against his chest and he held me a little tighter.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered into my hair as if he were picking up my train of thought. He rolled me onto my back and lay on top of me bearing most of his weight on his arms.

"Do you know how I've longed for this moment?" He whispered against my lips. "You in my arms staring back at me with love in your eyes."

"Love?" I giggled. "I think you've got something in your eyes. Because I'm pretty sure I never said anything about love." I joked, taunting him.

"You can laugh all you like." He said smiling down at me. "But you love me Bella. You've not said it with words but your body betrays you." He circled his hips and my laughter died in my throat as wave of desire rolled through me.

I tried to frame a witty reply but it got lost as a moan escaped my lips. He kissed me deeply then smiled against my lips. "Your body knows even if you don't." He laughed as he rolled away from me.

I felt bereft. I wanted to feel the weight of him. He sat on the edge of the bed and began to redress.

"Where are you going?" I pouted.

"I need to go check in. Sam is probably mad as hell. We've had to move things around with scheduling patrols. I'm running a double shift today so that at least some of us could be at the funeral today."

I had been so wrapped up in my own little world I had kind of forgotten about the funeral today and felt a little guilty. Jacob should be there but he was out running himself ragged trying to protect me.

"It's ok." He said reading my face. "This is where I needed to be." He leaned forward and kissed me. "Things have been so …" His expression turned inward.

"Yeah." I said understanding.

He smiled at me. "It was nice to not think about anything and just loose myself in you for a little while." He confessed.

"You should at least shower before you go." I blushed. "I mean don't you feel…sticky"

He shrugged. "I like having your scent on me."

My blush deepened.

"Will I see you later?" I felt silly asking but things were different now and I did not want to assume.

Jacob scrunched his eyebrows together as if he were confused by the question "Why wouldn't we see each other later. I spend nearly every day with you."

"I don't know. I mean maybe you need a bit of distance because of all this." I gestured between the two of us.

"Bella don't be ridiculous." He huffed, annoyance coloring his tone. "I love you. Yes, I'm a little disappointed that you won't say it back." He shrugged "But distancing myself won't change anything. You'll tell me when you're ready. And I plan on doing everything in my power to hasten that day." He said with conviction.

I let go of the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I was glad to hear him say out loud that he wasn't going to abandon me. I definitely felt something stronger than like for Jacob but I had loved before and been utterly destroyed and I was terrified of loving that deeply again. Maybe with time I could get to that place. But in the mean time I meant to enjoy whatever means he tried to employ to 'hasten that day"

Fully dressed Jacob kissed me then stood and ghosted out of my room. Even with boots on his tread was soundless. "See you later," he called from the steps.

"Ok," I called back. I waited to hear the door slam shut but then the phone rang and I heard Jacob answer.

I was searching for my robe so I could take the call. "Jake who is it?" I yelled finally donning my robe.

He didn't answer but I heard him reply to whoever was on the phone and then hang up. I ran down the steps and bumped into to Jacob who was walking back up. "Jake who was that?"

Instead of replying he cupped my face and kissed me till I forgot to be mad at him for answering the phone and hanging up on whoever it was. I was on the steps above him so we were the same height. He crushed my body to his, fingers knotting at the small of my back. He kissed me so fiercely the intensity made me afraid.

I pulled back to look in his eyes "Jacob what's wrong?" I queried breathlessly.

But he didn't answer. He captured my lips with his mouth and plundered my mouth with his tongue till I was quaking with need. His hands knotted in my hair. He pulled back. "You're mine." He growled and kissed me again.

I was so lost in his touch, the fever of his skin stoking heat in mine. I was flushed with heat and desire.

"You're. Mine," he groaned against my lips. He slid his hand between my legs. "This is mine." His fingers circled and I pressed against palm, relishing the friction, and moaned. "Do you hear me Bella?"

"Yes." I moaned, more in answer to what he was doing to his fingers than what he was asking. The need to clarify lost in a haze of desire.

With heavy lidded eyes he slowly slid his fingers out of me, put them in his mouth and then sucked. "Mine." He said huskily.

"Yes," I whimpered feebly.

"I have to go."

"No." I pled softly.

He smiled. "I'll see you soon."

"Soon." Single word responses were all my brain could muster.

He drew my arms from his shoulders, kissed me again and was gone.

I felt so wrung out. I sat on the steps and tried to reassemble my thoughts. But all I could think about was Jacob. I knew I needed to get up and take a shower but I wanted to relish the feel of him, traces of him all over my skin.

I smiled down at my hands and realized that I felt happy. Not the shallow kind that doesn't reach the eyes but a deep seated happiness that reached into my belly and made me want to laugh. So I did and it felt good. I giggled at the impossibility of this moment; me sitting on the steps in the middle of the day, disheveled and mooning over Jacob. I knew it was completely ridiculous and I didn't care.

"Bella?"

My head snapped up at the sound of her silver belled voice. "Alice! Hi!" I said stupidly.

"What happened?" She asked panic in her tone. Her eyes roaming over me and I wondered how I looked, all wild eyed and bed haired.

"It's fine. I'm fine." I said standing, trying to smooth my hair. I pulled my robe tighter and tried to project and air of nonchalance.

"Where are you hurt? I smell blood."

I blushed as I remembered the sharp pain of Jacob taking my virginity and blushed again thinking about all the pleasure that followed

"Honestly Bella. I stayed away for as long as you were out of my vision because I knew your little wolf man was here. But then I saw you again and you were on the steps looking like a lost puppy and when I get here you're bleeding?" She said accusingly. "What did he do to you? I told you young werewolves were volatile Bella." She grabbed my hand and pushed the sleeve of my robe up searching for the bruise.

"What happened? How did you get hurt? Thank God I went hunting while I was out." She asked searching for a bruise she wouldn't find.

I snatched my hand away embarrassed. "I need to take a shower. Be right back." I said hurriedly as I scrambled up the steps desperate to make an escape. I ran into my room, snatched the blankets off my bed and threw them in the wash. My heart was racing. I felt so guilty. I hadn't done anything wrong. I wasn't with Edward anymore but how would Alice feel if she knew I had been intimate with Jacob. I wanted to just sit on the couch with her and spill my guts. I wanted to tell her about all the confusing feelings that were rattling around in my head. But as much I wanted my friendship with her to trump her loyalty as Edwards sister, I really wasn't sure if that's how things would play out.

I took a few deep breathes and tried to calm my nerves. I rummaged in my closet for some clothes, grabbed my shower caddy then got into the shower. By the time I'd showered and dressed I was much calmer. I skipped down the steps searching for Alice.

She was sitting on the couch arms crossed. She nodded to the seat next to her and I sat. "Sorry for freaking out. It's just… something happened." I struggled to find the words and when nothing more eloquent would come to mind I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Bella what's going on?" she asked clearly agitated.

I looked down at the floor. Not trusting that I could look in her eyes and keep from telling her everything.

Her tone softened and she took my hands in hers. "Bella if you don't want to talk about it that's fine. I was just worried. I thought something had happened to you. I thought he'd hurt you."

"No, No," I said emphatically. "Jacob would never hurt me. I'm fine. I swear." I squeezed her hands. "I want to tell you. I just don't want you to be mad at me."

"Bella, why would I be angry with you? You're like a sister to me and I care for you deeply." She asked, her face etched with concern.

"It's about Jacob." I said searching her eyes for how she might react to what I was about to confess. She sat and waited for me to continue.

"He and I," I cleared my throat. "He and I were intimate." I whispered

"Oh!" She exclaimed, surprise coloring her voice. "You love him don't you?" She asked softly, eyes searching mine.

"I don't know," I whispered.

Alice's eye got that a faraway look she got when her gaze began sweeping over images in a distant future. After a long silence she blinked and looked at me.

Her eyes were sad. "I think you do know Bella," She sighed. "I think you do."


	3. Confessions

**THANK YOU ALL FOR READING MY STORY! ITS BEEN GREAT CHECKING MY EMAIL AND SEEING SO MANY OF YOU ADDING THIS TO YOUR FAVORITES! I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. WRITE A REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.**

**DISCLAIMER:** _I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. THE TWILIGHT SAGA BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYERS AND AM SIMPLY BORROWING HER CHARACTERS AND WRITING THIS STORY FOR FUN. I HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT SEEK FINANCIAL GAIN FOR THE WRITING OF THIS STORY._

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**CHAPTER 3: CONFESSIONS**

"What did you see Alice?"

"I can't see past unmade choices," she said distractedly. Her eyes lost focus again, another piece of the future sliding into view.

"I have to go."

"What? Why?" I asked frantic.

"I'm not leaving town, just relocating," her tone placating. "Bella, Edward and I had the worst fight we'd ever had over leaving you. He wanted to keep you safe and it was my Jasper that hurt you so I gave in." Her voice was strained as if she were holding back tears even though I knew she couldn't cry. "We left to try and keep you safe but with Victoria hunting you the point is moot. What kind of friend would I be if I knowingly left you in danger?"

"I don't blame you for any of this. There was always the risk that something could happen. I'm only human," I shrugged.

"Bella you're so forgiving. It's one of your most endearing qualities." She took a deep breath and composed herself. "There is a lot that needs to be sorted out but I want you to know that I will not make the same mistake twice. No matter what happens, no matter who you choose," she looked at me pointedly "I choose you. You're my friend and I won't abandon you again."

I nodded, too choked up to reply with words.

"You've forgiven so much. How can I not do the same even if it galls me to no end that you're cavorting with a flea bitten mutt," she said mockingly.

I swatted at her arm.

"You should check yourself for ticks," Alice smirked lifting a lock of my hair. I giggled relieved that we were ok and that she was going to stick around for a while.

I hugged her. "Ah I've missed you so much"

"I missed you too," she said simply hugging me back.

Alice left after she was sure I would be safe. We made plans for shopping the next day. I left a message with Billy for Jacob to let him know about my plans and that I would head over to La Push when I was done. Me with Alice meant that he could sleep in after a long day of pulling a double shift on patrols, so it worked out.

I spent the rest of the day catching up on all the house work I had neglected since I was spending most of my time in La Push. I finished the laundry, cleaned the bathroom and did some light grocery shopping.

Charlie came home just as I was finishing the steak and potatoes I had cooked for dinner. He was somber and introspective so I tried to give him his space. I emailed my mom, read a bit then went to bed pretty early. I breathed in the scent of my newly laundered sheets and wished they smelled of Jacob.

Shopping with Alice the next day was exhausting but fun. It was everything I needed, just a day hanging out with my friend buying obscenely expensive clothing. It was late afternoon by the time I made it to La Push.

I pulled up in front of Jacob's house and he was opening my door before I'd pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Hey beautiful," Jacob beamed as he drew from the car and kissed me.

"Hey yourself." I stood up on my toes and kissed him back returning his smile.

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "So what would you like to do? Bike, hike or do you want to just hang out here. "

"Is Billy home?"

"He's at a meeting with the Elders. Everyone is gathering later to hear one the stories of our people told in honor of Harry's passing. I'm all yours for the rest of the day though. I don't have to be on patrol till tomorrow morning."

"When do you think he'll back?"

"Not for a couple of hours."

"Let's hang out here then." I wriggled in his arms suggestively.

"Do you want to hang out?" he laughed. "Or do you want to hang out?" He kissed me deeply then looked at me half lidded eyes full of yearning.

We spent the rest of the afternoon cloistered in Jacob's small room. I don't know how many times he made love to me but eventually the need for sustenance drove us from our little bubble. I sat on the edge of the bed halfheartedly pulling on items of clothing. Jacob lay propped on his elbow and played with a tendril of my hair.

"You know you have to marry me now right? Seeing as how you've compromised my virtue." He chuckled.

"Compromised your virtue?" I quirked an eyebrow amused.

"Yea. You seduced me and robbed me of my innocence." He chuckled. "You've got to make an honest man out me or my reputation will be ruined."

"Jacob Black, I do believe it was you who seduced me," I said innocently as I shrugged on my shirt. "And that sounds like something I should say."

"You seem to have a short term memory Miss Swan. If I remember correctly, just yesterday I was innocently declaring my love for you when you threw yourself at me and demanded that I make love to you."

I giggled. "I guess I did kind of do that, huh?"

"I don't mind at all. Throw yourself at me anytime you like. I'm all yours."

He laced his fingers through mine and kissed the inside of my wrist. "And you're all mine," he whispered against my skin.

My heart skipped a beat. The intensity of Jacob's regard was wearing on me. He was so sure. Sure of his feelings for me and sure of my feelings for him that I was beginning to doubt my own mind. For months I had repeated the mantra over and over, _Jacob and I are just friends. Jacob and I are just friends._ But here I was half clad in his bed doing things that I would never dream of doing with any of my other "friends." I wanted so desperately for things to just be simple. For me to be whole. To simply be a girl who loved a boy. No vampires, no werewolves, no massive black whole at the center of my chest.

I felt so guilty. Jacob's love was all sunshine and open booked while I was so dark side of the moon and broken twigs. I knew I was using Jacob. He made me feel better. He made me feel wanted and loved, and I hated myself because all I wanted was to be loved and wanted by someone else. I needed to be honest. I needed to tell him.

"Jacob I love you. I do." The look on his face when I said those words nearly broke my heart anew. It was like dawn breaking, like watching a man take a deep breath after having been under water for a long time. He was so beautiful and for an instant all I could think was how happy it made me feel that I'd put that look on his face. It was so infectious that I almost did not continue on with my statement, but I did. "But I'm not all yours. I still miss him." My voice faltered as I choked on tears. The raw edges of my truth cut through me, ripping another hole in my Swiss cheese heart. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my tear stained face in my knees. "I still wish…" I choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry."

Jacob sat up and pulled me into his lap. "It's ok Bella. Its ok" He whispered in to my hair.

"It doesn't matter. I swear on everything I own that it doesn't matter. I hate what he's has done to you." He gently wiped away the tears on my face. "You're so much a part of me and your pain hurts me like it's my own. I'd do anything to take it away. I wish to God that you had loved me first. I've loved you for so long but you kept insisting that we were friends. That you didn't feel that way about me. But I knew I always knew" He pulled back and looked deep into my eyes. "I know you still feel for him and I'm telling you now, it doesn't matter so long as you love me. Whatever part of your heart beats for me no matter how small, I don't care. So long as you love me Bella. And you do, don't you? You love me." He looked so afraid and vulnerable his eyes begging for reassurance but terrified that I would recant my confession.

"I do." I assented, voice barely audible.

"Say it again," he whispered.

"I love you Jacob Black," I said because it was true.

"Yeah you do." He crushed me to his chest and sighed with relief.

Eventually we made it out of Jacob's room and into the kitchen. We had just finished eating when Billy called to tell Jacob that everyone was gathering. I was grabbing my stuff so I could head home when Jacob offered for me to come along.

"It's not an official council meeting or anything. No one would mind you being there regardless. You're not an outsider. You're a part of what's going on."

"Are you sure. I mean I don't want to intrude?" I wasn't convinced that my being there would be a good idea.

"Sure I'm sure. You cared for Harry too. He was one of you dad's good friends. " He smiled my Jacob smile and I gave in.

Jacob led me through the woods till we reached a large clearing where a huge bon fire burned brightly at its center. The ground ran in a gradual incline toward the tree line on the other side of the clearing where a small log building was situated. Lights were lit inside but the blinds were drawn so I couldn't see who was inside. All the wolf pack were there mingling with a hand full of other people I didn't know. I assumed they were friends and family of Harry, all there to honor his memory. All the younger people were clustered together near the fire eating s'mores and joking with one another. Jacob guided us toward a space where his friends were situated. We walked side by side his arm around my shoulder, my arm around his waist. I caught Embry nudging Quill and nodding in our direction and it made me feel self-conscience. I tried to casually disentangle myself from Jacob but he just pulled me closer into his side. He sat then pulled me onto his lap and kissed me.

"Niiiiiice!" Quill taunted.

"Hey Jake. We went by your place earlier today to see if you wanted to fish but you seemed _really_ preoccupied," Embry added. Jared, Embry and Quill burst into laughter and I turned beet red.

"Shut up Embry. Or I'll preoccupy my fist with your face," Jacob threatened, his body quivering.

I rubbed his back and whispered into his ear, "It's ok Jake. Its fine." I did not want him leaping out of his skin especially with me sitting on his lap.

"It's about time. You've only been mooning over her for a year," Quill chimed in. The three amigos burst into another fit of laughter.

"She was worth waiting for," Jacob whispered against my lips, seemingly distracted by my touch.

"Oh God kill me now. You're so cheesy." Embry slapped a hand to his forehead, his face screwed into a mask of mock horror.

"You gotta be suave Jake. Leave'em wanting more," Quill piped up.

"And you know all about that with all the girlfriends you've had," Jacob shot back.

"Burn," Jared and Embry crooned in unison.

Quill threw a handful of potato chips at them which dissolved into a wrestling match of sorts. Eventually they left off trying to slam each other to the ground and reclaimed their seats by the fire. I ate a few s'mores and Jacob inhaled two packs of hotdogs even though we had literally just finished eating.

The sun began to set and everyone started to fill in around the bonfire. As if on cue, the door to the log cabin opened just as the last person found a seat. Billy exited the building being pushed by Old Quill. They were followed out by a grizzled and dark haired man I later found out was Harry's brother Joseph, Sue Cleawater and a woman I can only describe as ancient. She was small framed with a slightly hunched back and she walked with a cane. She wore a deep red dress that was emblazoned with symbols I had seen etched on totems around the reservation. Her iron grey hair was wound into a braid that hung down to her thighs. Her skin hung loosely on her bones and her jowls sagged. But her eyes, her eyes were clear and piercing. Her gaze fell on me and I felt as if she looked right through me.

"Maiara is here?" Quill murmurred a look of reverence on his face. I looked around at all gathered and saw the same look in everyone's eyes.

"Who is Maiara?" I whispered to Jacob.

"The Eldest Elder," he said as if that explained everything.

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**AH! THIS IS NOT WHERE I INTENDED TO END THIS CHAPTER BUT THE STORY SIMPLY EVOLVED AS I WROTE IT. I CUT THIS CHAPTER IN HALF BECAUSE THERE WAS TOO MUCH STORY TO TELL FOR ONE CHAPTER. I AM NEARLY DONE WITH CHAPTER 4 AND WILL BE POSTING IT SOON. MORE AWESOMENESS AND MAJOR SURPRISES ARE RIGHT AROUND THE BEND! THANKS FOR READING!**


	4. Magic & Madness

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. It's so cool knowing that you a loving this as much as I am!**

**DISCLAIMER: **_I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. THE TWILIGHT SAGA BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYERS AND I AM WRITING THIS STORY FOR FUN. NO FINANCIAL GAIN WILL BE SOUGHT FOR THE WRITING OF THIS STORY. _

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**CHAPTER 4: MAGIC &amp; MADNESS **

Sue, Billy and Joseph took their place and I could feel the anticipation as everyone waited for Maiara to be seated.

Clank. Her iron tipped cane sang against the hard packed earth. Shhhh shhhh. Her feet shuffled forward lifting small puffs of dust.

A hush had fallen over the assembly and everyone seemed entranced by the sound of her coming. Clank shhh shhh. Clank shhh shhh. Clank shhh shhh.

"Shhhhhhhhhh." She whispered, a gnarled finger lifted to her lips. "Shhhhhhhhhh." She said again as she took her seat. "Listen. Can you hear the voice of the wind?" She leaned forward, her gazed swept over our faces as if she were expecting someone to answer.

"No?" She shook her head in disappointment. "I tell you children. It was not always so." She straightened and began. "There has always been magic in our blood. Much of what was has not been. And though it has been ages in coming, the time is drawing nigh for it to come again. Already it wakens. Rising from its slumber and endowing us with the form of our wolf selves. A magic that we have not seen for generations."

"But there is more to come. Yes dear ones there is more to claim. I sat beneath the great ash tree that rest down by the waters of Lake Onandaga for my heart was troubled. The wolf had awakened but the older magics remained silent. We have no record of what was but in my heart I knew there was more. That we would need more than the wolf to protect our people. That was when the wind spoke to me and told me a tale.

"In a time before time was recorded, a time of peace and accord. A time before the land was divided into territories held by the Makah, the Hoh, the Wynoochee, the Sooke and the Quileute. There was a time when we were one tribe, one tongue, one people."

"Among the people was a man named Nanook. He had been blessed with five strong sons. Nashoba, the oldest was a strong warrior. Dichali was skilled with the bow. Skah was apprenticed to a medicine man. Wilu was a dexterous carpenter. But Rowtag the youngest had yet to distinguish himself in any real way. He was quick witted and proficient in woodcraft but Nanook worried for his future. How would Rowtag secure a wife and build a life if he did not set himself apart.

Rowtag knew that his father fretted but his heart belonged to the woods and as soon as he was done with his chores he would sneak off and spend his time wandering and learning the land. One day while he was roaming Rowtag came upon a curious meadow. It was late autumn but the meadow was full of tall grass and flowers blooming out of season.

He struck a path across the meadow and plucked a flower. He lifted it to his nose and breathed deeply. All of the sudden he felt tired so he lay down and as was soon asleep. As he lay he dreamt.

In his dream he walked along the bank of a river listening to the sound of the water. The gentle lap of it against the shore. The thunderous crash as it parted around rocks further downstream. The gentle tickle of the shallows. He found a large rock partially submerged in the shallows. He walked out into to the water then climbed onto the rock and sat with his eyes closed listening to the sound of the river and after a while the sound of the water changed. It was like a song. The thunder, the lapping, the tinkling sound formed a sort of chorus. He sang it back to the river and the sound changed again, the river singing back to him. Rowtag sang with the river and his heart filled with a joy that felt too large for his small frame to hold.

He woke from his dream still filled with the wonder of the song and full of joy in his heart. When he came home it was late in the day. He told his family of his dream. His brothers scoffed at him. His father, an ever practical man, told Rowtag that songs and dreams would not win him a wife. But his mother's heart was stirred by the telling of the dream and advised Nanook to take him to the council and seek guidance as to the portent of his dreams.

The Elders gathered and though they sought the answer with all their heart the knowledge was beyond their grasp. They made offerings to the Great Spirit Q'wati and bid him reveal the meaning of the dream. Q'wati answered and made it known that Rowtag was a Spirit Walker. He could speak with the spirits of nature as if he were talking to a man.

Rowtag's brothers were exceedingly envious. Why had Rowtag been chosen to receive such a gift? He was of no import. He had accomplished no great deeds. And so they conspired to end his life. They raised their hands against their brother and made themselves kin slayers.

Rowtag's blood cried out from the ground and roused Q'wati. He came down and healed Rowtag knitting his soul back to his flesh. Rowtag pleaded for mercy for his brothers for it was in Q'wati's heart to slay them where they stood. Instead he set a curse upon their tongues so that each spoke a different language. They would not be able to band together again and plot anymore wicked schemes. And just to be sure he banished them from the people and scattered them to the four winds. And so to this day we quarrel with the descendants of Rowtags four brothers, our near cousins, that make up the other tribes of this land."

Everyone was silent for a time and then a soft murmur arose as people came back to themselves. We had all been transported to a time long ago of magic and song. Jacob sat with his back to the log and me between his legs. He pulled me back into his chest and neither of us spoke for a time.

People began to mill about and a line formed in front of Maiara. Everyone wanted to greet the Eldest Elder. I could not make out what they for saying, they were speaking in Quileute. But I began to hear a phrase repeated over and over again.

Maira would say "Aya`soochid haqalee na Q'wati booche" and the reply would be "Whay shale, tic thot awah, kahlee shu tooke" When I asked Jacob what it meant it he said it was an old Quileute pledge roughly translated Maiara was saying "In dead of night or light of day may Q'wati ever guide our way" To which she received the reply "By earth and sky, by sea and stone, we walk the road that leads us home." They were pledging to turn back to the old ways and honor the Great Spirit Q'wati.

Jacob waited till the line shortened before he got up and joined the procession. I remained seated by the fire and waited for him to return. When he reached the front of the line Maiara spoke with him longer than she had with any of the others. I still could not understand what she was saying but then she started gesturing toward me and I was a little concerned. Was she scolding Jacob for bring me?

She looked over to where I was sitting. "Come here young one." She requested.

Quill and Jared along with a few of the other young people sat near me. We all looked around at each other trying to figure out who she was referring to.

"You. Kulbah tluth come here." she commanded.

Everyone seemed to pause in their conversation and look at me.

Quill nudged me and nodded toward Maiara. "She means you."

"Me?"

"Kulbah-tluth. White Bird." He laughed. "Pretty sure she's talking about you." He nudged me again. "Go ahead"

I got unsteadily to my feet. I could feel the curious gazes as I made my way toward Jacob and Maiara. I tried to read Jacob's face but he looked equally curious. His eyes held a question and he searched my face as if he hoped to find the answer.

I stopped a few steps away from Maiara not sure how to address her or how to proceed. The air around her seemed to shimmer with magic. A sense of power emanated from her tiny form.

"Don't be afraid, child. Come here." She reached for my hand and I stumbled forward and placed my right hand in hers. She turned my hand over and traced the lines in my palm for a moment. A sense of calm seemed to wash through me as soon as she touched me.

"Tell me your name." she asked kindly.

"Bella Swan." I replied with more courage than I felt.

"Swan! Ha! I named you well white bird." Her eyes twinkled with mirth. She smiled at me and I returned her smile in kind.

"Aya`soochid haqalee na Q'wati booche" she said.

"Whay shalee tic thot awah kahlee shu tooke" I replied without thinking.

"Yes. You travel the road. " She looked down at my hand and began to trace the lines in my palm again. "Though it twists and turns it will lead you home."

I didn't understand what she was eluding too but I felt oddly comforted nonetheless. She let go of my hand then turned to Jacob and said something to him in Quileute. He replied then gave Maiara a small bow.

When he turned to me his face was pensive and a little closed off like he had a secret that he didn't want to share. He threaded his fingers through mine and gave me a small smile but it didn't reach his eyes.

I caught a few strange looks from people as we made our way back to my truck. No one looked hostile simply intrigued. I felt strange myself. All this talk of men who could speak with nature and Eldest Elders that peered into your soul had me feeling like I was in a waking dream. I squeezed Jacob's hand trying to find something real. We walked for a while in silence and before I knew it we were at my truck. Jacob opened the passenger door and helped me in. Jacob slid into the driver's seat and I grabbed his hand before he could put the keys in the ignition.

"Jacob why did she call me that? Kulbah tluth. I know it means white bird, but it felt like it meant something more."

"You're pale as the moon and frail as a bird. I don't think there was any hidden meaning." He answered me too quickly as if were waiting for me to ask that question and I knew he was lying. What was he keeping from me and why?

"Kulbah tluth." I said again and Jacob frowned.

"No matter where the road leads you I will always love you." His intensity caught me off guard.

"I love you too." I said feeling confused. "Jake what's wr–"

He cut off the rest of my question as he crushed his lips to mine. His tongue delved into my mouth and I could taste his desperation. He kissed me like he was drowning and I was air. He needed to show me. He needed me to know how much he loved me. Like nothing else counted in the balance of things expect for this kiss. It was frightening and it was beautiful.

Every touch, every kiss held a question. "Do you know how much I love you?" And then he'd answer with a kiss "I love you this much" He opened his heart to me and without ever speaking a word he told me "My love is real and yours and always."

When he pulled away I was overwrought. I wanted to feel that same conviction. I wanted to love Jacob as completely as he loved me. I felt like Jacob's love shone like the sun and mine was a flickering candle. I wanted to burn that brightly and I hated myself because I didn't. I resolved in that moment that I would love Jacob better. I wouldn't hold anything back and I would try to make us work.

"We should get you home." He gave me another quick kiss and then started my truck.

I reached out to hold his hand but he snaked his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his woodsy scent. I was so full of heavy things so I started asking silly questions like "Would you rather live in the real version of The Walking Dead or Jurassic Park " and "Would you rather have no arms or no legs."

My stomach ached from laughing so hard at Jacob's answers. He was answering my "Would you rather be stuck in a large room with a cobra or a small room with 20 black widows" question when we pulled around a curve and nearly hit someone that was walking in the road.

The tires screeched and I slammed against my seat belt as Jacob turned the wheel to avoid the pedestrian. We slid to a halt on the shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Jacob put the truck in park and looked me over.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Are you OK?" I searched for any signs of injury on Jacob my heart thundering in my chest. I looked out searching for the man we'd seen in the road but my side of the truck was facing toward the tree line.

"Oh my God! Jake, did we hit someone?" I jumped out of the truck and ran around the front looking for an injured person but no one was there. I heard Jacob get out and slam his door.

"Jake do you see any one?" I walked around to his side my eyes still on the ground searching and I bumped into him. He was quivering like a tuning fork.

I looked up at him and his face was screwed into a grimace. "Oh no, Jake! What did we do?" I followed his line of sight and when I saw what he saw I swear I heard the world break. Standing in the middle of the road, unhurt and very much a live, was Edward Cullen.

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**OMG HES BACK! DID YOU JUST HAVE A MILD HEART PALPITATION? BECAUSE I DID! LOL**

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	5. Good Luck With That

**I love all the positive feedback I've been getting from you all. You make my heart feel super happy! :D **

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 5: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT**

It was strange. I had seen the reunion with Edward played out in my mind a thousand times. I would see his face and the gaping hole in my chest would instantaneously be made whole. Every fiber of my being would be suffused with joy. All the suffering, the loneliness, the pain would be erased and the only thing left would be love.

But love was not the only thing I felt upon seeing his face. A myriad of emotions washed over me. I was confused, and happy, and sad all at once. Confused because for the life of me I could not figure out why he was here. Happiness because a part of me still loved him and it felt good to be near him. Sadness because as I stared into his eyes I knew that we would never be what we were again.

I had longed to see his face for so long and here he was. His pupils were pitch black and the normally light dusting of lavender beneath them was dark plum instead, the color of a bruise. His clothes hung on his frame haphazardly as if he had gotten dressed in the dark. His shoulders were slumped forward as if he labored under a great weight.

He looked like grief personified, a mirror image of myself in the months following his departure. His eyes bore into mine and he took a step forward, hand outstretched as if he meant to reach for me. My heart lurched in my chest because I knew what he was feeling. I had been there not long ago, completely absorbed by the pain of losing him. I felt a wave of frustration and anger lance through me. How could he have stayed away so long, if everything I saw in his eyes was true?

Jacob altered his stance to counter his movement and angled himself in front of me. Edward's focus shifted as if he had only just realized that Jacob was there. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets as if to project an air of docility then returned his gaze to me and spoke.

"I had to see you. I had to know that you were OK." - his glance flickered to Jacob then back to me- "I know things are different now. But I wanted you to know that we are here and doing all we can to keep you safe and capture Victoria."-he swallowed down unsheddable tears-"I had no idea of the danger you were in. I'm so sorry."

I could feel the tears building. I shook my head trying to dispel the sadness. If hadn't waited so long to return. If he hadn't left in the first place. If he hadn't spoken those heart-crushing words to me in the woods so many months before. If, if, if. But he did. "You're too late." I whispered, tears falling.

"Bella-" Edward to another step forward.

"You should leave." Jacob growled cutting off both Edward's words and movement. He was shaking so hard I could see the loose dirt and twigs trembling on the ground where he stood.

In an instant Edwards face and posture changed. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and his body tensed. "Bella move away from him."

"I'm not going to hurt her you filthy blood sucker." Jacob roared. He took a deep breathe then turned and picked me up. He walked me over to the truck, opened the passenger door and slid me into the seat. "Stay here." He commanded then slammed the door and stalked back over to Edward.

"Leave. Now." He shook more violently. No longer concerned for my safety his self-control began to slip and he hunched forward as if he meant to phase. Edward crouched down preparing himself.

I didn't know if I was crying for fear of Jacob hurting Edward or vice versa. I just knew that something in me would break if they came to blows. I slid across the seat and leaned out the driver's side window. "Jacob don't." But he wasn't listening to me. All his attention was focused on Edward. I tried pleading with Edward. "Edward just leave. I'm fine." But he wasn't listening to me either.

A cold sweat broke out over my skin and I felt faint. My heart turned violently in my chest and my stomach felt sick. I lay down on the seat and pulled my knees up to my chest. Then all at once all the terror and fear coalesced into a shriek that ripped from my throat. It was like one of those screams that came upon me at the end of a nightmare and I woke with my throat sore and Charlie trying to calm me. But I was wide awake and this was really happening. Another jolt of fear shot through me and I screamed again. I clutched at my chest and burst into gut wrenching sobs. I heard the truck door open and then I was enveloped by Jacob's embrace. He'd heard these screams before as he kept watch outside my window keeping me safe from Victoria.

"I'm so sorry." He said it over and over again. "Please don't cry Bella." He wiped away my tears and spoke soothingly trying to calm my frayed nerves. I closed my eyes and burrowed into his arms.

I must have fallen asleep because when I reached for Jacob my hands brushed across the textured fabric of my quilt and not the soft cotton of his shirt. I lay in bed somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. I opened my eyes and saw that it was still dark. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 2:45am. I groaned, turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

I felt myself drifting but my mind was restless. So instead of falling into a deep sleep, my mind wandered into a dream. This dream was different from any of my previous ones. Instead of ferns and the woods I was standing in a verdant plain of tall grass under a starry sky. The land seemed to stretch as far as the sky. There was a light breeze and the grass bowed and swayed under the wind. On the horizon, the stalks seemed to kiss the blue-black expanse and the stars winked and danced across the sky. I felt buoyant and smiled.

I wanted to lose myself in the splendor of it all but the sense that something was missing kept tugging at the back of my mind. I continued to gaze at the sky and then I realized there was no moon. My eyes darted to the left and right. I spun around searching but not matter where I looked I could not find the moon. A sense of desperation seized me and I began to run. I had to find the moon. I ran not knowing where I was going or what direction I was running in. All I knew is that the moon was not here and I needed it to be.

I ran until my lungs burned and my limbs ached. I felt like I had run for miles and miles but there was nothing but plain and sky and stars in every direction. Exhausted I sank to my knees. I peered over the few inches of grass that reached over my head and lamented my lost moon. I caught the stars with my tears and cried until the night was pitch-black.

When I awoke the second time I could feel by the stiffness of my limbs and the dull ache of hunger in my belly that I had slept well past morning. The sadness of my dream faded as the reality of the past 24 hours crept into my consciousness. My thoughts were all a jumble and threatened to overwhelm me before I'd even dragged myself out of the bed.

I took a deep breath and turned my thoughts to more banal things like, _Did I put the clothes in the dryer?_ and _I wonder if there are any more Cheerios_. By the time I'd dressed and eaten it was about 1:30 in the afternoon. I finished cleaning the dishes and contemplated going to La Push. Jacob had said that he would be on patrol his morning. I knew he'd probably be tired but I wanted to be near him.

I slipped on my sneakers, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I stopped just short of tripping over Edward who was sitting on the steps in front of my house. He stood too quickly and kept me from falling over. He looked completely different from last night. He was eyes were golden and his clothes looked like something from the pages of a high end catalogue. His face held a look of anticipation and his skin felt slightly warm as if he'd been sitting in the sun for a long time.

I pulled away from his grasp a little disconcerted. "How long have you been here?" My skin tingled where his fingers had rested on my skin.

"For a while." He shrugged.

I rubbed my arm absentmindedly and stared into his eyes. I waited for the familiar up tick in heart beat that always happened when he was this close but it didn't come. He still looked every bit the Greek god but his beauty didn't move me as it had in times before. I didn't feel overwhelmed with the need to step closer and press my lips too his perfectly formed mouth.

I frowned and took a step back from him. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

I took another step back and leaned against the door. "Ok"

He took a step forward and squared his shoulders as if steel himself. "I wanted to apologize for the way things devolved last night. I didn't mean to frighten you and I promise that no matter how much I detest your friend I will not harm him."

"_Boyfrien_d. Jacob is my _boyfriend_. And maybe you should worry about how much harm would come to you if you cross him." I said defensively. "He's more than capable of taking care of himself. He and the pack saved me from Laurent while you were off being easily distracted"

" Bella I was not off doing anything but thinking of you. Every moment or every day I longed for you. I love you."

"Liar." I spat at him. "Don't you dare say those words to me. Do you remember what you said to me in the woods that day? Because I do." –I pointed at my heart – " Your words played on repeat in my mind for months. _I don't want you. I don't love. I'm tired of pretending_."- a sob stuck in my throat and I had to take a deep breath before continuing- "I can not begin to express the depths depression I waded thru for months because of you. All the while a small piece of me hoped that you would come back. I hoped that you were lying. But the days ticked by and you didn't call, didn't email, didn't write. Nothing."- I punctuated each accusation with a poke of my finger- "And what's worse, you took my best friend away from me. How could you do that to me? You didn't even let me say goodbye" –I shook my head – "Love doesn't do that Edward. I could have forgiven you anything. And maybe if you would have come back sooner I would have. But it's too late now. I love Jacob and he and I are together now." I finished my breath ragged and chest heaving.

Edward grimaced. "Bella, I have never for a moment stopped loving you. I knew that you wouldn't let me go and so I said whatever I thought was necessary to make you believe. I left because I wanted you to be safe. I wanted you to be human. It seemed no matter what I did I was always putting you in harm's way. First James then my own brother attacked you." –his eyes lost focus remembering-"How could I continue to ask you choose me when it was only ever going to be you risking your life every moment we were together.

"When I thought that you were-" his voice modulated to a near whisper and he started again-" When I thought you were dead all I could think of was finding a way to follow you. How could I live in a world where you didn't exist anymore?" -he ran a hand through his hair- " I came here because I wanted be near you one last time before I found a way to leave this world as surely as I thought you had. All the way here I lamented all the time I'd wasted by forcing myself out of your life. I wished that I could go back in time and take back that moment and choose again.

But then I got here and Alice told me you weren't dead and the relief I felt-"- he took a step toward me and peered into my eyes - "I can't even begin to put into words what I felt. I was like a dead man given life again. I am not a praying man as I deem my soul damned anyway. But I prayed in that moment Bella"- he closed his eyes and folded his hands in front of his chest- "I prayed and I thanked God that you were alive." –he looked deep into my eyes again- " I know that you're with Jacob but I love you and I want you to be with me."

As he spoke all my anger had fizzled. I tried to think of all the reasons why I should be vexed but it was hard to think with him standing in front of me begging me to love him. "You need to leave." My voice was barely audible in my own ears but I knew he heard me.

"Bella, please."

He was standing so close. How did he get this close? The smell of him was so intoxicating. It was a matter of inches between his lips and mine. All I had to do was lean forward and I knew he would close the distance but I couldn't. I loved Jacob and I couldn't hurt him like that. I mustered every ounce of my will and stepped around Edward and started to walk to my truck. "I love Jacob." I called over my shoulder and when I turned he was already standing at the driver's side door.

"You're too late." I crossed my arms. "Now please move. I'd like to go and see my _boyfriend_"

He stood there glowering at me. "This is why we would never work. You do what you think is best regardless of my desires."

"You don't desire me? You nearly just kissed me a moment ago." He scoffed.

"No, I didn't," I protested feeling guilty.

"You still love me Bella."

"You know what? I do," I admitted feeling utterly exasperated. "And I probably always will." –Edward smiled looking smug- " But a relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, and I don't trust you and you don't respect me." –that wiped the smile right off of his face- "If you had respected the depths of my feelings you would have never left in the first place. So let's not do this ok. Once was enough. I thought I would die without you. There were times when I wanted to. I thought I would never be happy again but Jacob showed me that there was happiness for me without you. No it's not the same but that's ok. I'm still broken and sometimes I miss you but I've moved on just like you hoped I would."

"Bella don't." He reached out and grabbed my hand but I snatched it away.

"Don't touch me. I'm not yours anymore. Now move out of my way. I need to go."

After another moment of glowering he stepped aside and opened the door for me. I got in and started the truck. Edward leaned through the window.

"Things are not over between us. I'm not going anywhere Bella and I plan on doing everything in my power to win you back."

"Good luck with that." I threw the truck in reverse and backed out of the drive way.

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**SASSY BELLA! :) **

**I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. I wrote it especially for you! Write a review and let me know what you think. **

**I love hearing from you guys!**


	6. A--hole

**YOU GUYS ARE THE BEES KNEES! THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS AND ALL THE POSITVE FEEDBACK. QUITE A FEW OF YOU ARE COMMENTING AS GUEST. GET AN ACCOUNT SO I CAN MESSAGE YOU. SOME YOUR COMMENTS SERIOUSLY CRACK ME UP AND I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU SO. HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEXT INSTALLMENT!**

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 6: A$$HOLE**

I felt flushed and a bit warm. I rolled down the windows a bit more and let the crisp spring air cool my skin. I breathed in deeply and willed my heart to stop crashing against my chest. I was more than a bit aggravated. Why did Edward have to come back now? I mean could he have worse timing? I loved Jacob but I loved Edward too. I'd admitted as much to his face. And as much as I longed to dedicate myself heart and soul to loving Jacob I knew that was going to be made infinitely more difficult if Edward interfered and did "everything in his power" to win me back. Could Jacob and I survive under the onslaught of a determined Edward's affections for me? I knew from personal experience that once Edward had devoted himself to a course of action nothing could deter him.

For a moment I entertained the idea of letting Jacob go and getting back with Edward. Would we really work? Could we be happy? I tried to envision it and no matter how it played out in my mind we never worked out. I felt it deep in my bones. Call it a gut feeling or woman's intuition but I knew that choosing Edward would only end with me losing.

I thought back to my time with Edward and if you looked at things practically the makings of our romance was quite bizarre. I'd never thought of myself as shallow, but on the strength of his god-like features, I had let Edward woo me despite knowing that there was a part of him that literally wanted to kill me and that he had killed other people. Lots of people. Yes they were bad people but they were people and he could have done other things. Blind them, cripple them, render them harmless so they couldn't harm others or simply turn them over to the authorities like he'd done with the miscreants that had tried to hurt me when I was in Port Angeles.

I mentally chided myself for being so stupid. But love doesn't make sense. The 'Why' of love can seldom be explained. I mean even when I was laboring under the false assumption that Jacob was out killing people, love made me reach out to give him a chance to change.

I needed to find a way to make Edward understand that he and I were over and that there was no way he could win me back. What could I say? What could I do to make him see? When nothing genius sprung to mind I let out a frustrated sigh and shook my head.

I parked my truck and when I hopped out my feet hit well paved concrete instead of the loose gravel that was in front of Jacob's house. I shut the door and stared at the building in front of me feeling a bit disoriented. I was so lost in thought that my mind had gone on auto pilot and I'd driven to the library instead of Jacob's house.

Part of my subconscious must have known how stressed out I was. I loved the library. It was a place that always made me feel happy and as I stared at the redbrick walls and glass doors a small smile spread across my face.

The library had always been a place of solace for me. Phoenix was a huge city and my mom was always moving to get me in a better school or to get closer to her work. But whether we were in Sun City or Queen Creek the first thing I always did was find the library. People, streets and schools may change but Bronte and Austen would always be a constant no matter what library I went to.

Some libraries were nicer than others. I remember how happy I was when we'd moved to South Mountain Village because the library there was so beautiful. It feels a little silly to describe a library as beautiful but I swear it was. I don't know much about architecture. Actually I know nothing of architecture but the construction of that library looked like something that other architects would write about. It was made out of great sheets of copper in varying shades and glass lined in steal. There was art spread throughout the court yard and all the walkways cut through small gardens of wild flowers. Sometimes I would go, not because I wanted to read, but because the library felt like a second home. There was always a place for me there.

I was so pale and awkward and at the library I didn't have to try to be anyone else but myself. I didn't have to try and be pretty and graceful. The books didn't care if I had two left feet or that I was an old soul trapped in a young person's body. I think the later quality is actually why I have an affinity for libraries to begin with.

The library in Forks wasn't as fancy as the one in Phoenix but it was still nice. They had recently done some renovations and I loved the new chairs they'd put in the reading room. The fabric was dark blue and chairs were wide enough that you could sit Indian-style and still be comfortable.

I felt a quiver of anticipation. I looked around and saw that the parking lot wasn't packed but nor where near empty either. Hopefully one of the chairs would be vacant and I could enjoy a few chapters before heading out to see Jacob.

It was relatively sunny out, warm enough that a nice sweater was all you needed to stay warm but it was always cold in the library. I reached back in the truck to grab my parka and shrugged it on as I pushed through doors of Forks Memorial Library.

I strode through the vestibule and returned the smile of the librarian at the help desk. The library was divided into 3 main sections. To the left there was a small kid's area. There were tiny chairs and tables with coloring sheets and baskets of crayons on them. Short shelves were stuffed to bursting with all manner of picture books and fairytales.

Directly in front of me there was a cluster of computers where you could browse the catalog or get on the internet. Directly behind the computers is where all the shelves holding works of fiction and nonfiction were, along with a wall of reference materials. The reading room with the comfy chairs was over there too.

To my right there was a roomy space that had been deemed the Teen Corner. Several shelves of YA fiction lined the walls and there were a few oversized bean bags of vibrant color set in the space. A few of them were occupied. A dark haired girl with almond eyes was flipping through a manga. And a sandy haired boy with a baby face was pretending to read but kept glancing at the girl. As small as Forks was I didn't recognize either of them. They looked more pre-teen than teen though so that's probably why.

I wasn't sure what I was in the mood to read but I didn't want to intrude on the would-be romance of the almond eyed girl and baby-faced boy so I walked past the bank of computers and into the shelves behind them.

Once ensconced in the shelves of books I lost myself for a while. I favor the classics but I was feeling a bit adventurous so I ended with a wide assortment of books. I glanced at the small pile trying to figure out if I should put anything back but they all looked interesting. I had The Lies of Locke Lamora, Anna Karenina, My Antonia and I had just picked up The Name of the Wind when another book caught my eye.

The cover was suede and solid red. There were designs pressed into the cover and the spine but no words. I ran my fingers over the markings. They looked oddly familiar but I couldn't figure out where I'd seen them before. I flipped it open and quickly realized that this was not a book but someone's journal. It was written in a foreign language but all the pages were covered in tidy script and there were crude sketches of plants and people interspersed throughout. I looked up and down the aisle to see if there was anyone nearby that might have misplaced it but there was only me. I frowned down at the journal unsure of what to do with it.

I slipped it into the front pocket of my parka and resolved to hang around and keep my eyes and ears open for anyone asking around for a red journal. I went to the self-checkout line and checked out my books then crossed my fingers and hoped there was a chair open in the reading room. Of the eight chairs only one was occupied. In the far corner a grandfatherly gentleman was reading a newspaper. He peeked at me over his glasses and then went back to reading.

I chose a chair on the opposite side of the room not necessarily because I wanted some space but because it was situated right in front of the window where a warm patch of sunlight was pouring through. I sat my books down on the small end table situated next to my chair and shrugged out of my jacket. The sunlight felt good on my skin. I pulled my knees up into the chair and grabbed Anna Karenina. I tried to concentrate but my eyes kept drifting the blood red journal peeking out at me from my parka pocket.

I pulled it out and glanced at the intricate designs pressed into the cover willing my mind to make a connection to where I'd seen them before. Then suddenly it came to me. The markings looked very similar to the tattoo Jacob had on his arm. I flipped through the pages and stopped at a page at random. Could the language of the journal be Quileute? I was deeply intrigued now despite myself. I swept my eyes around library looking for the blue black hair and bronze skin of the Quileute but there was no one here that remotely had the look about them.

I frowned again and slid the journal back into my pocket. Reading was out of the question now. My mind was too full of mystery. I figured I could show it to Jacob and then at least the mystery of whether it was written in Quileute would be answered. I don't know why but I felt like it was important to figure it out who the journal belonged to and to keep it safe. I wrapped my jacket around the journal and then slid it behind my back.

I had anticipated that I would lose myself in a book and hang around till someone came looking for the journal but since I was too keyed up to read now I decided to wait around at least another fifteen minutes to see if anyone asked for it. I set the timer on my watch and settled down to wait.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and then rested my head against the back of my chair. My thoughts ran all over for a bit until they settled on Jacob. The heat of the sun on my skin reminded me of him. I rolled my sleeves up so that more of me could feel it.

Jacob was always so warm. He claimed that he ran around half-clad half the time because he wasn't cold and didn't want to have to carry so much clothing. But I think he liked the way his body looked and didn't want to cover up. I loved the way his body looked though so I can't complain I guess.

I'd never thought overlong about what it would be like to see the whole of him and have him see the whole of me with no layers of cotton between our fingertips. It was so much more than I could have imagined if I'd tried to imagine it at all. The way he felt, the way he made me feel – It was like magic, and fire, and bliss. I took a few minutes and lost myself in reminiscing.

"Now that emotion can only be described as pure lust." An all too familiar voice murmured too closely in my left hear. My eyes flew open and my jaw clenched. He chuckled softly as if he was genuinely amused then shifted to my right ear. "Who are you daydreaming about Bella? I heard that you and Edward had a bit of a falling out so it can't be him hmmm? Did the young wolf let you get past second base?"

"Asshole." I hissed.

"Now, now, don't be like that Bella. We are friends aren't we?" Jasper stepped from behind my chair and plopped down in the seat next to me.

If looks could kill I swear he would have been dead the moment I laid eyes on him. I scowled at him with as all the loathing and disgust that had been set aside in my heart just for him. To say that I hated Jasper would be a gross oversimplification of what I felt for him. After he had tried to take a bite out of me like I was piece of original recipe chicken our relationship was … strained to say the least. I had forgiven him, as much as you can forgive someone who'd tried to kill you, to keep the peace. I'd put on a happy face to convince Edward that everything was fine. I mean Jasper was a vampire after all and how inconsiderate of me to get a paper cut in his presence when he'd been a vegan all of three days right?

Initially Jasper had been quite contrite. He'd apologized profusely and went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. But anytime he was near me the anger and fear would bubble to the surface. And though by all outward appearances I was cordial and forgiving, Jasper, with is uncanny ability to read people's emotions, could read my true feelings toward him.

He'd confronted me once and it was not in the spirit of reconciliation that he approached me. Suffice it to say that he was quite salty with me as well and blamed me for tempting him and casting him in a bad light in the eyes of his family. We both limited our interactions with one another as much as possible after that little conversation.

If it was up to me Jasper would have been cut out of my life all together. There was really no reason for me to interact with him. I didn't need to be buddy-buddy with him in order to be with Edward. But he was Alice's person and Alice was my person so I had put up with the necessity of his presence. I bet he was thrilled when the decision was made for he and his family to leave Forks and myself behind.

I didn't trust Jasper. He was too new to the Golden-Eyed way of life. And, oh yeah, he'd tried to kill me, so I wasn't too keen on being anywhere near him without his chaperone. I believed that he loved Alice and that for _her_ sake he would not harm me. But if not for her I don't think he'd think twice about giving in to his darker side and killing me and then chalk it up to "We all fall off the wagon sometimes."

"Where's Alice?" I asked as I scanned the library for her too white skin and pixie face.

"She's… around." He answered cryptically and a little twinge of fear fluttered in my chest.

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**SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS IMAGINED BELLA WOULD FEEL ABOUT J. I MEAN CAN YOU REALLY JUST GET OVER SOMETHING LIKE THAT? LEAVE A REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS! :D**


	7. The Taste of Fear

**Hello good people! I know it's been a minute since I've posted a chapter but things have been crazy in my life. I feel bad to being away for so long so I will be posting another chapter tomorrow as well! Yea you! LOL**

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 7: THE TASTE OF FEAR**

Jasper chuckled and leaned toward me. "I can taste your fear." He whispered softly so that only I could hear. My heart stuttered in my chest then kicked into double time. I stared into Jaspers eyes and felt my fear build with every quick shallow breathe I drew through my slightly parted lips. I tried to reign in my terror. I closed my eyes, clenched my fist and tried to moderate my breathing but the fear kept building.

There are different types of fear. The vague unease you feel when you walk into a dark room, the quick sharp fear that heightens your senses and pumps you full of adrenaline and then there is the mind numbing fear that suffocates your brain and renders you utterly incapable of forming a coherent thought .

For the most part, Jasper only ever incited the first type of fear. I was always uncomfortable and ill at ease when he was near but never truly afraid. But what I was feeling in this moment was no simple disquiet. In a matter of moments my emotions had escalated from a frustrated anxiousness to a cold hard panic that was yet rising. A cold sweat broke out over my skin. I was light headed and a bit dizzy. My mouth was dry and my fingers hurt from clenching my fist so tightly.

I opened my eyes and fixed them on Jasper. He was leaning forward in his chair, hands on his knees facing me. His eyes held a look of intense concentration and a mocking smile played on his lips. He was enjoying my discomfiture and then I realized he was also the cause. He was using his ability to control emotions to fan the flames of my fear.

A shock of anger ran through me and I tried to grab hold of it and push back the fear. Jasper furrowed his eyebrows and all at once I lost my hold on my anger and was swamped by dread.

"You smell so good Bella." Jasper murmured softly. He scooted forward in his chair and brought his face close to mine. So close I could feel his breathe on my neck. He angled his face so that his nose was right in front of my mouth. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. "Every emotion has a certain flavor… or scent," He mused. "The stronger a person feels an emotion the deeper and richer the scent and flavor." He took another deep breathe. "As you know, dear Bella, I do not eat human food but for lack of a better example I will say it's like smelling chocolate and even though you have not eaten chocolate feel as if you can very nearly taste it.

"Joy tastes different from sadness and anger tastes different from surprise. But there are different grades of every emotion. So while the happiness of meeting an old friend taste like a candy bar, the intense happiness of say"-a coy smile slid onto his lips- "spending time with your lover would taste like the most decadent fudge."

He slid his hands onto the arms of my chair. "I have to be careful not to make humans afraid. We want them to think there is nothing to fear. To not really take notice of us least they look too closely and see us for what we really are. Anytime I sense that unease and fear that leads to questions in someone I suppress it or incite another emotion." He opened his eyes and peered into mine. Through the panic my brain was able to register that his pupils are dilated, obsidian moons blocking out his golden-sun irises.

"But I don't have to do that with you Bella." He crooned. "You know exactly what I am and what I'm capable of. And your fear. Taste. So. Good." He moaned the last word, took another deep breathe and all at once another wave a fear coursed through me.

I tried to scream but the thought got lost on its way to my mouth as it was swallowed in a sea of terror. Jasper slowly brought his index finger to my face and lightly trapped a bead of sweat on the tip of his finger. He stared at it for a long moment and then lightly touched it to his tongue. He shuddered violently and his eyes dilated further so that his irises shone like a pencil line of gold sketched around his black pupils.

The look in his eyes made something in me shift. Instead of trying to fight against the tide of his assault I let go and gave myself over to it completely. A dam burst and the small swells of emotion became a raging sea. Jasper had been pushing against my defenses so hard that when the resistance fell away he was utterly overwhelmed. The intensity of what we were both feeling was overpowering. I felt my consciousness began to pull away and hide itself in some far corner in my mind.

The turbulence wrought by this breaking in my mind blurred clearly marked lines that defined what I was feeling and what Jasper was feeling till they bled together. I could feel the intense pleasure he garnered from the taste of my fear. With a shock I began to taste it myself. It was more a mix sensations and impressions then just taste. It was deep and dark as a moonless night. Weighty yet supple like dense velvet. There were hints of things metallic and sharp as well as flashes of sweetness that smelled of crushed grass.

I felt Jasper trying to pull back and stem the onslaught. He had not considered the possibility of me letting down my defenses and without the resistance of me pushing back his energies and efforts poured into me wild and unchecked and now he was in danger of losing himself. The cords of neck were strained. His face was contorted into a grimace and gold of his irises were totally eclipsed at this point. He was breathing heavily through gritted teeth and I heard the creak of the wood of my chair as he gripped it too hard and fought not to crush it altogether.

The juxtaposition of his blonde hair and pale skin against his too large onyx pupils and strained expression made him look like some devil trapped in the body of an angel. There was a part of him that truly wanted to be good. That wanted to wholeheartedly adhere to the tenets of the Cullen's credo for living and honor human life. But there were days when he missed the taste of fear. Animals were dumb and lacked the complexity of feeling of humans. Their fear was flat and dull compared to the richness he could cultivate from human prey.

For half a century he'd had been with Alice. When they'd finally found the Cullens it was easier for him live a disciplined life. Surrounded by like-minded individuals he strove to live up to the expectations of his adopted family. But then I came along and one paper cut had sent years of discipline and forbearance out the window. A few drops of blood and the ensuing panic that had followed sent it all back to him in a rush to powerful to check.

I wondered how long he had been contemplating doing what he was doing to me right now. How careful he would have had to have been with Edward always near and capable of reading his mind. How closely he would have had to check that his desires did not cross the threshold into planned action so that Alice would never see him in some vision torturing me like he was now.

"Jasper!" In my semiconscious state I caught a glimpse of Alice standing a few feet away.

She came and knelt down next to my chair opposite Jasper. She reached across his arms, as his hands were still clenching onto the arms of my chair, and grabbed his chin. She tried to pull his face toward her and away from me and he growled. His chin turned slightly but his eyes were still riveted on me. She let go of his face and rested her forehead against his temple and began to whisper in his ear. It was too soft for me to hear but slowly the tide within me began to ebb. I could feel his hold on me slacken and my mind return to itself.

I was wrung out and utterly drained. My mind and heart had been over taxed and as he let go bit by bit I slid, by degrees, into a state of unconsciousness and slept like the dead.

I was pulled out of sleep hours later by the urgent need to pee. By bladder felt like an overfilled water balloon ready to burst at the slightest movement. I groaned and slid me feet over the edge of my bed marshalling my wits to brace myself for the cold shock of my wooden floor boards. But I stood and instead of polished wood my feet sunk into plush carpet. My sleep clouded mind struggled to fully waken and piece this misinformation together. My eyes swept hurriedly around the room and I realized I was, indeed, not in my room.

The plush carpet and wall to ceiling windows were vaguely familiar. A star stitched sky blanketed the mountains and trees outside the window. Questions began to swirl around in my head but I couldn't latch on to any one long enough to try and find an answer as the need to empty my bladder pressed through all other concerns.

I hurriedly turned toward the door and instinctively walked down halls and turned corners to find the bathroom in this house that wasn't mine. Some part of me knew that I should care that I wasn't in my house. Knew that I should care and maybe even be concerned but I was too tired to care. I washed my hands, walked back to the room I'd just vacated and threw myself back onto the bed. Within moments I'd wrapped myself in the soft comforter and fell back to sleep.

The second time I woke up I was pulled out of sleep by the smell of bacon. Was it a dream or was someone really cooking bacon? I tried to push the thought away and burrow back into sleep but then my stomach growled and I knew that whether it was a dream or not I was definitely hungry and awake.

I pulled away the pillow covering my face and blinked at the late morning sunrays that spilled into the room. I rolled over onto my side, propped my head onto my elbow and took in my surroundings. The queen sized bed was flush against the wall opposite the floor to ceiling windows. There were shelves on either side of the bed full off music and other little knick knacks. Against the window directly in front of the bed was a small white couch and in the corner closest to the door stood another shelf stacked with books that I knew were not actually books but journals. If there was any doubt as to where I was I knew now that I was in Edward's room. Everything had been moved around to accommodate this ridiculously ornate bed but this was definitely his room.

Peeking under the covers I realized I was clothed in only a camisole and my underwear. I glanced beside the bed and saw the jeans and sweater I'd had on yesterday and reasoned that sometime during the night I'd taken them off in order to be more comfortable. _Did I walk through the house to go to the bathroom before I took my clothes off or after?_

I groaned and fell back against the pillows. I could not, for the life of me, remember. A little embarrassed at sleeping in Edward's room so scantily clad I tried to keep the covers wrapped around me as I reached for my clothes on the floor. I failed miserably and was dumped onto the floor.

"Bella?" Edward questioned through the door moments after hearing me tumble to the floor. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, Yeah." I said hurriedly as I tried to quickly tug on my clothes.

"Alice went and got you a few things if you would like to freshen up. There should be two bags right by the door. Do you see them?"

I looked up and saw two bags hanging from the door knob.

"Yes thank you. I'll be down in a bit."

"OK."

I got up and pulled the bags off the door knob and peeked at the contents. One bag was full of expensive toiletries and the other had an equally expensive outfit. I groaned. Would Alice ever tire of trying to "elevate" my sense of style?

"What time is it?" I mumbled to myself.

"10:30" Edward answered from the other side of the door and I jumped. I didn't know he was still out there.

"Go away!" I growled with no real malice. "I said I'll be down in a bit."

I heard him chuckle. I waited a few minutes then peeked out the door to make sure he was gone. The coast was clear. I grabbed the bags from the floor and went to the bathroom. The shampoo Alice had bought smelled heavenly and the body wash smelled divine. If I hadn't been so hungry I would have taken my time in the shower but as it was, my hunger goaded me to move quickly and find substance.

I dried myself off and considered the outfit Alice bought me skeptically. It was actually quite lovely, not the usual overly extravagant things she normally tried to coax me to wear. There was a two toned sweater dress made of alpaca. The top half was a light cerulean and the bottom half was a royal blue so deep it almost bordered on being navy. A pair of plain black leggings rounded out the outfit. I was sorely tempted to wear it but I had a sneaking suspicion that Alice had bought this outfit with ulterior motives. It had been noted on several occasions that Edward was partial to the color blue on me.

Not a little agitated I opted for just changing my undergarments and donning my own clothes. I made a half attempt to dry my hair and then tentatively made my way to the kitchen. There was an assortment of ingredients strewn across the counter and Edward was at the stove trying and failing to cook the bacon I'd smelled earlier. I glanced at the pile of burnt bacon that had already found its way into the trashcan and absentmindedly pushed Edward out of the way and salvaged the pieces he currently had on the cook-top.

Bacon done I turned to the counter and took inventory of the ingredients before me. I quickly mixed and stirred then made myself some pancakes and eggs to go with my bacon. I could feel Edward watching me but I was too hungry to pay him much attention.

"Is there any orange juice?" I asked him distractedly. He silently pulled a carton from the fridge and filled a cup for me. I found a fork and glanced around for syrup. "Do you have any syrup?" He went into a pantry, which was too well stocked for a house full of vampires, and pulled out several kinds. I grabbed the one labeled 'butter-pecan' and poured it over my pancakes. I pulled up a bar stool and sat at the counter in the kitchen and dug in. I moaned with pleasure at the first bite and then blushed with embarrassment when I heard a sharp intake of breathe and realized that I'd forgotten that Edward was still staring at me.

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**There is so much more I wanted to write but I was already ay 2500+ words so I stopped here. **

**I know J is much ****darker in my version but every time I tried to write him to fit how he "should" be he still came out like this. I like how this turned out though. There are so many interesting things I can do with a dark J :)**** Let me know what you think. **

**Since you guys have been so awesome with your reviews I'll give you a little sneak peek. **

**The next installment is CHAPTER 8: GUILTY. What do you think the title portends?**


	8. Guilty

**THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! KEEP'EM COMING, I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS!**

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 8: GUILTY**

I shifted uneasily on my stool and kept my eyes glued to my plate. I spoke around the forkful pancakes in my mouth. "Where is everybody?"

"They're around, just giving us some space."

I frowned. "Why do we need space?"

"Just eat Bella." He groused.

I finished my current helping and then piled my plate with seconds. Edward was leaning against the counter opposite me and seemed content to stare at me and not speak. I didn't feel obliged to break the quiet and I kept my eyes adverted, letting him stand there brooding as I ate the rest of my food.

I finished eating and the moment I drank the last of my orange juice he was beside me too quickly and took my dishes to the sink. I was going to protest but shrugged and let it go.

"I should go. My dad is probably worried sick." Well rested and well fed all the worries of the day had begun to crowd my mind. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what I was going to tell Charlie. What was I going to tell Jacob for that matter? I needed to call him.

"Alice took care of it already. She called Charlie and told him you spent the night here and that you were helping her pick out things for her room today since we've moved back."

"Moved back?" I questioned sidetracked.

"Yes. I told you we would stay and help keep you safe while Victoria was out there."

"Oh" I said stupidly. "Well I'd like to call him at least." I lied. I was really more worried about calling Jacob.

"Carlisle and Esme would like to talk to you." It sounded more like a demand than a request but whatever he saw in my eyes made him tack on, "If that's okay with you?"

I let out the breath I hadn't realized that I was holding. Edward shoved off the counter and sat next to me.

"That's fine I guess." I acquiesced.

"What happened to you yesterday?" His asked concerned. I stared back at him puzzled. "I followed you to the library yesterday. I was just keeping an eye on you." He said in response to my annoyed expression. "I want to keep you safe Bella."

"I know." I sighed looking away.

"I was in the woods behind the library keeping tabs on you when I caught Victoria's scent. I didn't want to leave you alone but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to catch her. I called Alice and told her to head over to the library and keep an eye out.

" I chased Victoria but every time I thought I was close to catching her she pulled away. Eventually I lost track of her and I worried that she may have doubled back to the library. I raced back there and saw Alice carrying you in her arms out a back entrance and Jasper scanning the tree line. I was afraid that Victoria had actually made it back to you before Alice could get to you and that she'd hurt you somehow. I asked them what happened but Alice just put you in my arms and she and Jasper took off."

"I would have gone after them but I was worried about you so I brought you back here. Alice came by later with those bags for you and told me she'd taken care of things with Charlie and then left again. She was very careful with her thoughts around me so I don't know what's going on or what happened. Will you tell me?"

A myriad of emotions rolled through me. I was angry at Jasper for what he'd done to me. I was sad that Alice had seen him and was worried how she felt knowing that the love of her life had harmed her best friend – again. I was afraid and anxious to tell Edward what had transpired. I didn't know how he would react but taking into account how he was prone to over reacting I was afraid he'd do something rash. I was annoyed that he'd brought me to his house and put me in an awkward situation when it came to Jacob. I really needed to call him.

I sighed and ran a hand through my still damp hair. "Can I use your phone?"

"Tell me what happened and you can have whatever you like." He said coolly.

I was completely at a loss and uttered the first lie that came to mind. "I'm fine." I tried to make my tone light. "My allergies have really been bothering me lately. I took some Benadryl before I left the house yesterday but didn't really pay attention to the dosage. I guess I took too much." I shrugged.

"Why are you lying?" He quizzed.

"What?" I responded agitated. I knew I wasn't good at dissembling but I was perturbed that he could see through me so easily.

"You did not take Benadryl before you left the house yesterday. I distinctly remember. You came downstairs, ate some cereal, washed the dishes then –"

"WHAT?!" I burst out utterly flabbergasted. "You distinctly remember?" He had the grace to look ashamed. "Were you in my house yesterday?" I yelled.

"What happened to you yesterday?" he insisted.

"Edward. Anthony. Masen. Cullen. Were you" –I poked a finger in his chest- "in my house" –I poked my thumb in my chest- "yesterday? Yes or No?"

"Victoria tries to kill you. Alice places you in my arms limp, sweat soaked and unconscious. You sleep for nearly 18 hours straight. No one will talk to me and all you can wonder about is whether I was at your house or not? What the hell happened to you yesterday?" he bellows. His anger is so much fiercer than mine but I put on my best scowl and muster every bit of anger I feel.

"You sneak in my house. Accost me on my steps. Stalk me to the library where I then endure the vilest treatment at the hands of your brother. My best friend, your sister then abandons me and you bring me here without my consent. You know I'm with Jacob. You knew how this would look and you brought me here anyway. And you have the nerve to yell at me. I don't owe you anything. I don't have to tell you anything. Now let me use your phone. I need to call Jacob." I yelled the last phrase at the top of my lungs. And though I'd put as much venom as I could into my tirade in an effort to outdo is display of anger it's marred by tears. I swiped at them furiously breathless and unnerved.

"Is everything alright dear?"

I pulled my eyes away from Edward and saw Esme standing in the doorway of the kitchen wringing her hands, her face etched with concern. Carlisle stood behind her a hand on her shoulder, his expression somber.

The look of motherly affection directed at me in her gaze undid my self-control and I began to sob in earnest. Esme stepped away from Carlisle and pulled me into an embrace.

"It's alright sweet girl." She crooned sweetly as she rubbed small circles in my back. She pulled back, wrapped an arm around my waist and then guided me into the living room. She sat next to me on the couch and Carlisle discreetly handed me some tissue then gave Edward a meaningful glance and they left the room together.

Eventually I managed to reign in my sobs and moderate them to the occasional sniffle. Esme grabbed my hand and peered into my eyes. "Bella, Alice called Carlisle and I and told us what happened yesterday. I can not put into words the sorrow I feel over how you've been treated. I'm so sorry Jasper did that to you." She whispered. Her face screwed up as if she's about to cry but I know she can't shed tears. "Bella I love you as if you were one of my children." She saw the incredulity that crept onto my face and pressed on. "I do sweet girl. I care about you deeply and I worry about your well-being. And though I am applauded by Jaspers actions I am concerned about his well-being too. My heart has been all a jumble trying to figure out how to deal with this situation."

"We are absolutely decided that we will do whatever is in our power to keep you safe from Victoria. We think it would be in your best interest if we worked in concert with the Quileute. It makes sense since you spend so much time with Jacob. But we are worried what may happen if you speak with Jacob about what transpired between you and Jasper. He did not technically violate the treaty but I know that if his actions have upset me they will surely upset the Quileute. If they were to try to retaliate and harm Jasper in any way we would be at war with wolves."

"So I'm just supposed to let it go and pretend that nothing happened" I snapped, tears falling again. I didn't want to be the reason why the Cullen's and the Quileute went to war, but I felt like it was unfair that she was asking me to keep secrets for the sake of her son at the risk of my safety. "Everybody is worried about Victoria but who's going to protect me from Jasper? When he attacked me on my birthday he said sorry and we all just went on like nothing happened and now this. I tried to be understanding and forgive but this can't keep happening."

"You're right dear and that's why Jasper is going back to Denali."

I groaned as a wave of guilt washed over me. I felt responsible for breaking up their family. "You guys don't have to do this. I'm fine I swear. The pack was taking care of me just fine while you guys were gone." I whined.

"I understand dear but it's a manner of conscience. There is no way we can leave when we know that Victoria seeks to end your life. I know it is no small thing that I am asking of you but for the sake of peace will you please let this matter end here. Jasper is leaving. You don't have to worry about him anymore." She pled.

I sighed feeling defeated and emotionally drained. "Ok" I murmured, falling back onto the couch and throwing an arm over my eyes.

I was in my truck on my way to see Jacob and fretting over what I was going to say to him. Alice had told Charlie that I'd spent the night with her and went shopping and I figured it was best to stick to that story, though I could not find a suitable means to explain to Jacob why I didn't call. I hadn't seen him since the day before yesterday and I couldn't help but wonder how angry he would be with me.

I pulled up in front of Jacob's house, cut the engine and sat in the truck trying to calm my nerves before I went to look for him. I figured he wasn't home since he normally bounded out the house before I could get out the truck as he could hear me coming long before I got there. I sat for a few minutes but then I noticed the blinds twitch as someone peered out at me. I waited but after ten minutes Jacob still hadn't come out so I collected my courage and knocked on the door.

"Doors open."

I walked into the living room. Jared was sprawled across the sofa. Quill and Embry were squished together on the love seat and Jacob lounged in the armchair. There was a cornucopia of junk food spread over the coffee table and they were watching Adventure Time.

"Sup Bells"

"Hey Bella" Quill and Embry greeted me nearly simultaneously.

"Hey guys."

"Sup girl." Jared smiled at me then sat up and patted the seat next to him. "Take a load off."

"Thanks" I walked around the arm chair Jacob was sitting in and sat next to Jared. I tried to catch Jacob's eye but he kept his eyes glued on the TV.

"Cheetos?" Jared proffered the gigantic bag of Cheetos Puffs he'd been munching on.

"Sure." I took a few then turned my attention to Jacob. I willed him to look at me but he continued to ignore me. Anytime I shifted to put myself in his line of sight he'd move so as to block me from view. I gave up and sunk back into the couch.

Two episodes of Adventure Time and three episodes of Teen Titans late and Jacob still hadn't so much as looked at me. He joked his friends and laughed at the TV shows but pretended like I wasn't there. I was feeling utterly morose and wanted to just give up and go but couldn't leave things like this with Jacob. I had to talk to him.

I scooted forward on the couch and leaned toward him. "Hey, Jacob can I talk to you for a minute?" I pled weakly.

He didn't reply for a long while then he suddenly he turned to his pack mates. "Alright guys beat it. Go raid someone else's fridge."

"We'll finish watching this episode and then go." Jared negotiated.

Jacob finished the Mountain Dew he was drinking then threw the can at Jared's head. "You'll go now." When no one moved he got up and switched the TV off. "Come on guys, let's go."

There was no shortage of grumbling and the usual bit of wrestling before everyone left. Jacob closed the door behind his friends and then plopped back down into the armchair. I had hoped he would come and sit next to me but he was still being distant. He sat there staring at nothing in particular and I sat there staring him for what felt like forever.

"Jacob please don't be mad at me." I begged my voice sounded small in my own ears.

He scrubbed a hand over his face but remained silent.

"I was going to call you" I tried again. "but then I thought it would be better if I just came and talked to you face to face."

"Well gee thanks. I really appreciate you going out of your way to be so considerate of my feelings." He snapped as he turned to look at me.

"Jacob I'm sorry - "

"I know where you've been. You reek of them Bella." He cut me off his expression pained.

"I'm sorry Jake. I didn't mean to hurt you–"

"Don't apologize Bella." He growled "Just say what you came to say and be done with it."

"Done with what?"

"Did you ever even love me or was I just a place holder?"

"What?" I gasped. I scooted off the couch and knelt next to Jacob's chair. I tried to peer into his eyes but he turned away from me. "Jacob." I pled. "Jacob please look at me. Of course you're not a place holder."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" He groaned turning back to me with tears in his eyes.

"Jacob. I'm not breaking up with."

"What?"

"I love you. I love you so much. How could you think that?"

"He came back. Then I didn't hear from you. And you smell like" – he took a deep breath- "I thought you came over here to break up with me."

"No, no, no Jacob." I put his face in my hands and my words came in a rush "I was with Alice and we were having so much fun and I meant to call but I just forgot. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

"You're not breaking up with me?"

"No."

"You love me?"

"So much."

He exhaled sharply. "Oh God Bella I was so scared." He reached down and pulled me onto his lap. "I was so scared." He touched his forehead to mine and sighed. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." I said feeling relived to be in his arms but guilty for lying to him.

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**SUCH A HARD SPOT FOR BELLA TO BE IN. MOST PEOPLE WILL AGREE THAT LYING IS MORALLY WORNG. BUT SOMETIMES WE DO BAD THINGS FOR GOOD REASONS. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A TIME WHERE YOU HAD TO DO A BAD THING TO THE SAKE OF A GREATER GOOD?**


	9. Distance

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 9: DISTANCE**

Spring break was almost over and guilt goaded me to go out of my way to prove myself to Jacob. I spent every possible moment that I could with him. When we were together I was ardent in showing my affection. At times I felt like everything was fine between us but then he would look at me with his questioning eyes and I would feel that he knew I was holding something back.

I didn't like the space this secret put between us. I fought with myself daily about whether or not to tell him but it just was not worth the risk. I could not bear the thought of the Cullens and the Quileutes at war because of me. So I kept my mouth shut and prayed that things would get better.

But things continued to deteriorate. I was on edge and so was Jacob. We fought about everything and nothing. I was agitated because he fell asleep watching a movie. He was upset because I forgot to call him when I got home. I was mad because he invited his friends to hang out when it was supposed to be just us two. He was angry because I was being clingy. It was terrible and the space between us widened.

The strain of trying to hold it all together was beginning to wear on me and I was glad when Spring Break was over. School hours would be a reprieve from the tension building between Jacob and I. Feeling equal parts anxious and hopeful I arrived early. For months I had been utterly depressed and reclusive. At this point most of my friends had resigned themselves to my morose behavior. I wasn't shunned but they no longer tried to draw me out of myself either. I was on the fringe of the social circle, my input no longer sought when plans were made for a fun excursion. No one came to me when they wanted to chat. I had been totally fine with the way things were until, by slow degrees, Jacob's sunny disposition had pierced the cloud that had hung over me. Bit by bit I had begun to want more than the half-life I had been living. Jacob had filled so much of that yearning but now my personal sun had times when he was apt to hide behind clouds of mistrust and I couldn't blame him.

I needed a friend that stood outside the intrigues of Vampires and Werewolves. I had intended on arriving early and intercepting Angela on her way to class. I was going to strike up some small talk, maybe ask her how her project for biology was coming along and then make an oblique reference to hanging out sometime to gauge her receptiveness to the idea. Angela was always kind and I figured she would be the mostly likely of my friends to forgive me and let me attempt to patch things up. It was all planned out in my head.

I waited for as long as I could for her but I never saw her pull up. I hurried out my truck and made it to Trig. just as the bell rang. Mr. Varner peered at me over his glasses as I took my seat but he didn't say anything. I contemplated reaching out to Jessica but she was utterly absorbed with some other bit of news and seemed completely oblivious of my existence. She and Lauren giggled and whispered the entire class so I nixed that I idea and tried to concentrate on the wonderful world of sine, cosine and tangents.

The day was slow in passing. If I hadn't been so preoccupied with worrying over Jacob I might have noticed the weird glances I was getting from people as I walked the halls. I wondered through the lunch line not really seeing what I put on my tray and made my way to my table.

"Sit with me?" An all too familiar voice asked.

I startled and would have dropped my tray but Edward snatched it out the air and kept everything from tumbling to the floor. My heart lurched in my chest and tried to organize my scattered wits as I stared at his too beautiful face. I don't know if it was the shock of seeing him so unexpectedly or just seeing him at all that made forming a coherent thought nearly impossible. Why did he have to be so good looking?

"What?" I said stupidly.

"Come sit with me." He smiled, leaned in swiftly and kissed me on the cheek then gently grabbed my elbow and guided me to an empty table. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I should be angry that he would presume to kiss me. Or at least agitated that he would act so familiar but I just couldn't muster the emotion. All I could think about was the tingle on my skin where his lips had been.

I was so wound up and stressed and the look in his eyes and the feel of his hands on my arm had a tiny coil of tension easing in me without me realizing it. Whatever else I might feel about Edward he always made me feel safe. I sat and expected Edward to sit across from me but he pulled a chair around the table and sat right next to me.

Unconsciously I rubbed a hand against the cheek he'd kissed and stared at my tray. Edward leaned back in his chair seemingly at ease. I could feel the intensity of his gaze on me but I could not bring myself to look at him. I knew what I would see there and I was afraid it would make me feel more than I should.

I turned to survey the cafeteria and saw the rest of Edward's siblings, with the exception of Jasper, sitting at their usual table. Emmett winked at me and smiled his dimpled smile, while Rosalie pointedly ignored me. I stuck my tongue out at her and Emmett laughed garnering a swift kick in the shins from Rosalie. He laughed again and Alice gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. It made my heart hurt. She was without her better half. Jasper had been sent to Denali because he couldn't seem to control is baser nature when he was around me. I was glad that he was gone but I was sad it caused Alice pain.

"You should be with Jasper." I whispered. I knew she could hear me with her heightened sense of hearing.

"Don't worry about me." It was Edward's voice in my ear relaying her reply. "I owe you a great debt, twice over now, where Jasper is concerned. I told you I would not abandon you and I meant it."

I shivered even though it wasn't cold. Edward's proximity to me was a little unnerving. I shifted in my seat and tried to put a little distance between us. "Thank you." I said to Alice. She gave a small nod and I turned back to my tray and began picking at my lunch.

I didn't know what to say to Edward. I felt like I should berate him for kissing me and tell him to keep his distance. That I loved Jacob and that he had no chance of winning me back. I felt like I should get away from him and go sit with my human friends.

But I didn't do any of those things. I hated myself but after all the fighting with Jacob a part of me just wanted to just be at ease and not fight for a little while. I put my elbows on the table and put my face in my hands. My hair spilled forward and Edward lightly swept my hair behind my ear.

"What are you thinking about love?" Edward asked.

A wave of longing washed through me and I nearly leaned into his touch. I wanted to tell him everything. How I waited. I waited for him for so long but he never came. How Jacob was always there being kind and keeping me safe and begging me to love him and I fought against it but then I found myself loving him back. But now we were fighting and everything was falling apart and I was so miserable. If he had never left none of this would have happened. Ugh, I didn't mean that. If Edward had never left I would never have let Jacob in, and Jacob made me happy. Well he used too. But then Edward came back and now I was keeping secrets and nothing felt right anymore. If he'd never come back none of this would have happened. It was all so confusing. I tried to hold the tears at bay but my heart was full to bursting and I began to cry.

"Bella what's wrong?" Edward asked, alarmed. He pulled my hands away from my face and futilely wiped at my bucket of tears.

"I hate you." I murmured weakly.

"No you don't." He smiled and it infuriated me. I hated that he could read me so well. He was so sure of himself. So calm and collected while I was a mess. He'd hurt me deeply when he left and his return was causing me pain as well. But he was so unaffected by everything and it galled me. I wanted to wound him. I wanted to make him feel a measure of what I felt.

I swatted his hands away from my face, gritted my teeth and put as much steel into my voice as I could muster. "I hate you." I ground out. "I realize that now. I was drawn by the mystery of you. You were like a fairy tale come to life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think vampires were real. But then you weren't just a vampire, you were a vampire that wanted to be good" – I glanced at his siblings- "A whole family of vegan vamps right in my bayckyard. I was enthralled but that's all it was. A morbid curiosity. How could I love you? You're nothing but a soulless, heartless monster." I spat the last word like an epithet.

Edward recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "Feel better now?" he said softly. His wounded expression cooled the heat of my anger.

"Just stay away from me." I shoved out of my seat and stalked out of the cafeteria. I went to the bathroom and tried to compose myself. I splashed cool water on my face and took several deep breathes.

"Are you ok?" I turned to see Angela walking into the bathroom.

I smiled at her weakly. "I was looking for you this morning. I was almost late to class waiting for you in the parking lot."

"I forgot to set my alarm clock last night."

I nodded, my face still dripping water. Angela grabbed a few paper towels and handed them to me.

"Thanks." I dried my face and hands and peered into the mirror to see if it looked like I had been crying. My eyes were a bit puffy, there was no hiding it.

"So what's up? You were looking for me." Angela asked.

This is why I loved Angela. Anyone else would have badgered me with a million questions about Edward and what had transpired between us but Angela didn't push. She was very perceptive but never intrusive.

"Yeah. I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I've been acting. I know I haven't been a good friend lately. Things have been so crazy and I know I've been distant but I've really missed you and I could really use a friend right now. I hope you still consider me your friend." I said hopefully.

"Of course I do. You were just so sad and closed off from everyone. We all tried to reach out but you just kinda… shut down."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I'm better now." I smiled at her reassuringly.

"So much better that you're crying in the bathroom?" Angela asked skeptically. Her almond eyes narrowed further as she smirked.

"It's different. I'm not really sad" – I shrugged- "I'm just frustrated."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asked and then the bell rang.

I grabbed my books off the counter. "Can you come over after school today?"

She shook her head. "I have to be home to watch my brothers. My mom is working late and my dad is out of town at a conference. You can hang out with me at my house if you want though; if you don't mine hanging out with a pair of lively 9 Year olds."

"No that's great. I'll see you after school." I smiled and a sense of relief flood through me. It was nice to have a friend.

"Cool beans. Later gator." She said over her shoulder as she walked out the bathroom.

"Later." I called after her. I turned back to the mirror and smoothed my hair then squared my shoulders and walked out the bathroom as well.

I stopped short when I saw Edward leaning against the wall right outside the door waiting for me. I squeezed my books against my chest and strode past him without a word. He silently walked beside me never taking his eyes off me. I stared straight ahead and willed myself not to look at him. My resolve almost crumbled when he walked into Biology right behind me and then took his usual seat beside me. How was I going to make it through an entire hour of class sitting right next to him? I considered asking someone to switch places with me but shook off the idea. I did not want to be a coward. I did not want to be the one who was always emotional and running away. If he could manage an air of nonchalance and composure then so could I.

I turned my chair as far away from him as I could and leaned an elbow on the table so that my back was nearly completely facing him. I pulled out my pen and notebook and readied myself to take the most exhaustive notes I'd ever taken in Mr. Banner's class.

"Bella please don't be this way." Edward begged softly. I peeked at him over my shoulder and saw that his hands were clenched in his lap and he was leaning forward on the table trying to peek at my face.

Mr. Banner began to lecture on the structure of animals cells. I made a show of concentrating on the slides he'd put up and ignored Edward.

"Ok. You don't want to talk to me. But don't hide your face from me." Edward pled.

In response I shook out my hair and let it fall forward, further obscuring his view of me and shifted in my seat to turn further away. He sighed and I heard him lean back in his chair. A few minutes went by and then he slid piece of paper toward me. I pretended not to notice but glimpsed his neat script.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.  
O that I were a glove upon that hand,  
That I might touch that cheek.

I read it and blushed because I was leaning on the table with my chin resting in the palm of my hand. I squirmed and brought my hand down to my lap. After a moment I took the paper and wrote back then slide it back to him.

"He might as well plant an oak in a flowerpot, and expect it to thrive, as imagine he can restore her to vigor in the soil of his shallow cares!"

We went back and forth for a moment. Scribbling feverishly on the scrap of paper.

E: "My bounty is as boundless as the sea,  
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,  
The more I have, for both are infinite"

B: "I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him"

E: "The course of true love never did run smooth"

B: True love? "Why did you betray your own heart Edward? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. ... You loved me - then what right had you to leave me? Because ... nothing God or satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of you own will, did it. I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."

You are too late. I. LOVE. JACOB.

E: "If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day."

I swallowed against the lump forming in my throat and dropped my pen. I tried to think of something to write back but kept drawing a blank. I wanted to put him in his place. I wanted to pen a quick comeback that would wound and unsettle him but I was too unsettled to make the attempt.

I lifted my eyes from the paper and gazed into his eyes. The air between us began to crackle with electricity. I felt myself tense. My gaze flickered over his body and I could tell he was feeling it too. I don't know how long we sat like that but some point I'd forgotten to breathe. I drew in a ragged breathe and pulled my eyes away from his.

"Bella." He's only said my name, and softly, but somehow he imbued so much feeling into those two syllables that I heard "I love you. I need you. Forgive me." "Bella," He said again just as softly but a slightly different tone. This time I heard "I won't give up. I'm yours. Always."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my torso as if to shield my heart from this onslaught of emotion. I didn't like the way I felt when he said my name like that. Or rather I liked it too much. He shouldn't be able to get to me like this. I loved Jacob. But every time Edward poured out his heart a part of me longed to reciprocate. I shook my head again and refused to look at him. _I love Jacob. _I said it over and over in my head like a litany.

In my peripheral vision I saw Edward reach out toward me. My heart skipped a beat and I tensed again. One handed, he effortlessly grabbed my chair by the seat and lifted me off the floor, just enough so that the legs wouldn't scrape the floor, and pulled me right next to him. He put me down gently not making a sound. My heat beat wildly in my chest and I flashed a quick glance around the room, but no one seemed to have noticed. To be this close again and yet be so far away was maddening. If he really loved me why did he leave in the first place? Why did I still care?

As if reading my mind he murmured too close to my ear. "You still love me Bella. I can see it in your face."

I wondered what he saw and hated that I was so easily readable. I tried to school my features into something resembling indifference but failed and settled for resignation. "I love Jacob." I whispered feebly.

He nodded. "But you love me too."

My heart turned violently in my chest, because no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I knew he was right. I felt my heart break as I let the truth settle over me.

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**Sorry for all the typos. I think I caught them all this time. I think I need a beta LOL **

**THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT FEEDBACK! HOPE YOU ALL ARE STILL ENJOYING THIS STORY! Chapter 10 will be up soon :D **


	10. Ring of Fire

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 10: RING OF FIRE **

After four failed attempts at trying to scoot my chair away from Edward I gave up and willed the hands on the clock to move faster. But time has a way of hurrying when you want it to slow and creeping like molasses when you need it to hurry. There were only twenty minutes left of class but it felt like hours.

Finally the bell rang and I shot out of my seat like a pop tart. I tried to gather my things quickly and leave but I was so full of nervous energy that I kept dropping things. I wanted to swear as I fumbled and dropped my pen and notebook a fifth time. I stared at the mutinous school supplies as they slid across the floor and under the table in front of me. I contemplated leaving them there but the room was already empty and my quick getaway foiled. I sighed and bent to pick them up but Edward darted forward quickly and picked them up for me. When I straightened he was holding my books and his and striding toward the door.

"Give me my stuff." I demanded petulantly as I followed him out into the hallway.

"I'd have been standing there till sunset waiting for you to compose yourself enough to collect your things." He smirked without looking at me.

I grimaced and wiped my hands on my jeans. "I'm perfectly composed. I'm just clumsy. Now give me my stuff." I reached to grab my books from him but he deftly switched them to his other arm and out of my reach without breaking his stride.

"You seem to be exceptionally clumsy at the moment." He gave me a sideways glance. "If you can make down this hallway without falling over I'll give you your things."

I was about to protest but then I tripped and nearly fell to the floor. Edward caught me by the elbow and I hastily straightened and glared at him. "You did that didn't you?" I said acerbically. I looked around to see if there was anything on the floor that I might have tripped on but there was nothing but smooth granite. "You tripped me? "

"I didn't need to do anything Bella. You're stumbling around as if intoxicated." He peered into my eyes. "You are in intoxicated. You're pupils are dilated and everything." He chuckled. "You're love drunk." He smiled a self-satisfied smile.

I was annoyed to no end. Things had been so much simpler when things were going well with Jacob. The certainty of his feelings for me had made it easy to lock away anything I might have been feeling for Edward. But the mistrust between us was causing cracks in the pavement and the uncertainly was letting things that had been tightly sealed away seep through. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself but I ended up taking a lungful of Edwards scent. The smell of him had my head feeling fuzzy. He was right I was bumbling around like some lovesick puppy. I shook my head trying to dispel the fog.

"Whatever is going on with me has nothing to do with you. I'm always clumsy. If I seem to be exceptionally so, it's because I can't keep my mind off Jacob. He's all I think about."

Edward clenched his jaw clearly agitated and I kept going, enjoying his discomfort.

"I'm just antsy because school is almost over and then I'll get to see him. Just the thought of him makes me weak kneed." I stumbled on purpose as if to punctuate my statement.

"Thinking of him touching you makes me want to crush his skull." He whispered vehemently, fist clenched.

"I love him Edward."

He stared at me for minute then said, "The moment her regard ceased, I could have torn his heart out, and drunk his blood! But, till then - till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!"

"Stop quoting Heathcliff. You're nothing like him."

"I am in love with a cruel woman who refuses to acknowledge her feelings for me. I'd say we have quite a bit in common."

"I do not feel anything for you Edward. Get that through your –"

We were a few steps away from the gym and he stopped short and rounded on me. "If you fix your mouth to say those words to me one more time I will kiss you soundly right where you stand." He growled menacingly. He glared at me and dared me to contradict him. "Say it again Bella. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't _feel_ anything for me." He scoffed.

"I should have changed you when you asked me the first time. I should have made you mine and changed your last name." He shook his head sadly. "So many things I should have done. But I was so afraid. I didn't want to damn your soul Bella. I wanted to save you. But in trying to save you I damned myself to a hell more real than any I've ever read of. Every day I've been apart from you has been an endless night. Do not heap coals on my head with lies, lest I steal my salvation from your lips." The intensity of his gaze was unnerving. "I burn for you. If you will not save me do not add to the heat of the furnace. There is only so much I can bear and I have reached my limit for the number times I am willing to let you lie to my face. You will not say those words to me again or any variation thereof or I will kiss you till you forget you ever knew how to lie." He threatened.

My heart was in my throat because I knew he was dead serious. He'd neatly wedged me between a rock and a hard place. If I told him I didn't love him he would take it for the lie and see it as an invitation for him to kiss me. If I kept my mouth shut and did not protest I would be admitting that he was right and that I did love him. No matter what I did he won.

"Edward I don't –" He took a step toward me as if to make good on his threat and my knees felt weak. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Edward, I don't want to play games with you. Whatever else may or may not be true, the truth is I _do_ love Jacob."

He frowned at me eyes searching, then without a word he stepped past me and walked out the double doors at the end of the hall that led to the parking lot. I stood outside the gym in a bit of a daze.

I didn't notice the click clack of heels coming down the hall. "Miss Swan shouldn't you be in class?" Ms. Rupi, the school receptionist, asked.

"I'm not feeling well." I said grabbing my stomach. "I was just about to head to the nurse."

She nodded. "Go along then. Don't dawdle in the hallway."

"Yes ma'am." I shoved off the wall and made my way to the nurse where I pretended to be suffering from severe menstrual cramps so I didn't have to go to gym. I think Mrs. Granger knew I was lying but she let me hang out anyway. It was a slow day in the nurse's station and she didn't mind.

I only had two more classes till the end of today but I didn't see Edward anymore. I was relieved and a bit disappointed as well. I was also a little miffed because he'd never given me back my books or my notebook and I had Biology homework that I needed to get done. Angela caught up with me right before I left for the day to make sure I was still coming over.

"You want me to grab anything?" I asked.

"Whatever you might want to snack on. My folks are on a serious health food kick so there's not a lot of junk food in the house."

"OK. Anything you want in particular?"

"Gummy Bears!"

"Gummy Bears it is." I laughed. "See you in a few."

It was lightly misting out so I grabbed my parka from my locker then headed to my truck. When I hopped in I noticed my Biology textbook and note book were in the passenger seat. The notebook was flipped open and a note was scrawled in the neat script I knew so well. I pulled the notebook into my lap and read the note.

Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring.

Bound by wild desire

I fell into a ring of fire.

I fell into a burning ring of fire,

I went down, down, down as the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns,

The ring of fire, the ring of fire.

I found myself singing the lyrics in my head after I read the first two lines. This was one of my mom's favorite Johnny Cash songs. She had his greatest hits album and would play it Saturday mornings while making pancakes and bacon. I wondered if I ever told Edward about that. I flipped the note over. There was a bit more written on the other side.

I never knew what these words meant till I met you.

I burn for you.

I ripped the page out of my notebook and stuffed it in the glove box. It shouldn't make me feel so much to read those words from him but it did. I felt guilty but I couldn't help the way I felt. How do you tell your heart to turn away from someone? I loved Jacob but all this fighting was making me have some serious doubts. I was at a complete loss as to how to make things right and Edward was not making things any easier.

_One day at a time I guess._ I told myself. There was nothing I could do now. I pushed away all thoughts of boy drama and focused on having a good time with Angela.

Once the truck was nice and warmed up I headed to the nearest gas station and picked up as much junk food as my measly ten dollars and fifty seven cents could buy then went to Angela's house. I could hear her brothers falling over each other as they thumped down the steps to answer the door when I rang the doorbell.

The door swung open and two identical faces beamed at me.

"Hey Bella! You get us anything good?"

"You wanna play K'nex with us. We got the roller coaster set!" Joshua and Isaac asked at the same time.

"Guys let her get in the door first." Angela laughed as she came to the door.

"Ok, Ok." Isaac said. Or at least I thought it was Isaac. They twins looked so much alike it was hard to tell them apart. Both of them had short haircuts but one of them wore it spiked up and the other smoothed over his forehead.

"Come on in Bella." Angela waved me in and turned to the kitchen.

"I bought your gummy bears." I said as I followed her in. Isaac and Joshua followed on either side of me trying to get a peek at what was in the bags. "I also got some Twizzlers, some Sour Patch Kids and some M &amp; M's."

"Ohhhh can I have the M&amp;M's?" The twin with the spiky hair begged.

"Did you get those for you Bella?" Angela asked.

"It's a king sized bag so it's big enough to share." I said.

She nodded and turned to the spiky haired twin. "Josh did you finish your homework?"

_Ok so that was Josh. Spiky hair Josh. Smooth hair Isaac._ I made a mental note.

"I only have two more problems and I'm done." He whined.

"Go finish it and then you can have some candy." Angela said. Josh bounded up the stairs two at a time to go finish his homework.

"I finished my homework already. Can I have some sour patch kids?" Isaac asked.

"Go get your homework so I can check it." Angela said.

Isaac ran off and returned just as quickly with said homework. I pulled out a few paper towels and poured out a portion of sweets for everyone while Angela looked over his worksheet. Josh returned shortly and then we all sat at the small table in the eat-in kitchen getting a sugar high.

Once they finished wolfing down their candy they were bouncing off the walls and wrestling in the living room. I laughed as they threw pillows and pretended to close line each other.

"Why don't you two go outside for a bit." Angela suggested.

"Awwww we wanted to build the K'nex roller coaster." Joshua moaned as he tried to twist out of the headlock his brother had him in.

"You want to help us Bella?" Isaac asked me hopefully.

"I don't think Bella's into K'nex guys." Angela said.

"No it's cool. Show me this magnificent roller coaster." I said.

"Alright. C'mon it's this way!" The twins said excitedly. They disentangled themselves and ran to their play room.

"You don't have to do this." Angela said as we walked down the hall.

"It's fine. It'll be fun." I said reassuringly.

And it was fun. The roller coaster was nearly half-way complete. There was a picture guide that took you through the building process step by step. I lost myself in the million little pieces and enjoyed the goofy of antics of the twins. We spent the next hour and a half finishing it. The end product was nearly as tall as I was. It was seriously impressive. Josh and Isaac whooped with joy when we linked the last pieces together. Angela was praised as "The Best Big Sister Ever" when she scrounged up some double batteries for the motor that made the roller coaster run. I think we all sat there for like ten minutes just watching the little car go around and around on the track. It was a pretty cool toy. Angela tapped me on the shoulder bringing me out of my trance.

"Thanks for this." Angela said.

"It was fun." I smiled at her.

"Feel like keeping me company in the kitchen while I whip up dinner."

"Sure sure." I said and it reminded me of Jacob. I lost a bit of my levity and Angela seemed to see it in my face but didn't comment on it. We quietly left the room but I don't think the twins would have noticed us anyway; they were so into their toy.

"You mind if I use your phone?" I asked

"Not at all."

Hers hung on the wall in her kitchen just like in my house. I called Charlie and let him know where I was and that there was left over spaghetti in the fridge.

"I can take care of myself. You don't be too late getting home now. It's a school night."

"I won't. Love you."

"Love you too." Charlie said and hung up.

I sat at the table and contemplated my current dilemma with Edward and Jacob while Angela bustled around the kitchen.

"So what's up?" Angela asked pulling me out of my reverie as she stirred diced chicken in a pan.

This is why I'd come over. I needed a friend that I could talk to but I didn't know where to start.

"It's… complicated."

She nodded and continued stirring waiting for me to continue.

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**This chapter looks nothing like I originally intended but I like it anyway. The writing process can be funny like that. :)**

**I am working on chapter 11 now and it should be up by next weekend. Everything I wanted to put in this chapter will be in it LOL **

**Hope you all are enjoying this story as it unfolds as much as me! **


	11. Timing is Everything

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

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**CHAPTER 11: TIMING IS EVERYTHING**

I sat for a long while trying to figure out how to word my current dilemma. I tried to break it down in its simplest form leaving out all the vampire and werewolf drama. Angela listened quietly as I emotionally vomited all over her kitchen. She never interrupted and waited patiently till I was done. "So that's the gist of what's going on." I said as I finished explaining.

She transferred the stir-fried chicken and veggies she'd just finished cooking into a large serving bowl then checked the timer on the rice cooker. Five more minutes till the rice was done. She wiped her hands on a dish towel and without looking at me she said, "You love very deeply."

I nodded to myself. "Bella how old are you?" Angela asked as she pulled up a seat next to me.

"Seventeen." I replied not really seeing where she was going.

"I saw how you were when Edward left. I know you loved him and the way you talk about Jacob I can tell that you have strong feeling for him too. You're stressed out because you feel like you have to choose one or the other." She moved her hands up and down like a balancing scale then folded her hands in her lap. "But the world won't end if you choose one or the other. It won't end if you choose neither." She shrugged.

A small shock went through me at her words. Neither? I had never even considered the possibility.

She continued. "Sometimes we are too close to the situation and we don't see there are other options. You're only _seventeen_. You have years and years to figure out who you want to give your heart too. Maybe it will be one of them but perhaps the timing just isn't right. Give yourself a chance to get some perspective. Date other people or don't date at all for a while. Go out. Have fun. Give it time. You're only _seventeen_. You're a deeply loyal person and you don't want to hurt either one of them but what about you? You deserve to be happy too. "

"You're right." I murmured as the truth of her words sunk in. The timer on the rice cooker dinged. Angela gave my hand a reassuring squeeze then hopped up and started making plates.

"Dinner's ready." Angela called and her brothers tumbled into the kitchen.

I mulled over her words as we sat around the table and ate. Everything she'd said had made sense. The thought of just stepping back for a while and not feeling the pressure of being in a relationship was tempting. I thought about timing. Right now Victoria was out there hunting me and I was all worked up over relationship issues. I was grateful beyond words to both Jacob and Edward for risking their lives to keep me safe. Maybe once things were resolved with Victoria I could see my way a little bit clearer. But the stress of worrying over her and worrying over whether or not I was going to hurt Jacob or disappoint Edward was really too much. I needed them both right now and staying alive and keeping my dad safe was the most important thing. I sipped the last of my lemonade and resolved that I would talk to Edward and Jacob. I smiled at Angela as I helped her clear the table.

"Thanks… for everything. I really needed this today."

"We should hang out more often."

"We will." I promised.

We'd just finished up with the dishes when her mom came home. The twins rushed her, talking excitedly about the roller coaster we'd finished and things that had happened at school. Angela's mom was of middling height, fair skinned and athletic build. She was an avid runner. There was a small section on the living room wall that held pictures of her crossing the finish line at various marathons along with a few medals and plaques. Her wavy, shoulder length hair was parted down the middle and spilled across her face as she bent her head to listen to her boys. She smiled up at me as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey mom. This is Bella, Chief Swan's daughter." Angela said.

"Oh yes. Hello sweet Bella. Angela's told me so much about you. So nice to meet you." She gave me a brief hug then stepped back and looked at me.

"My you are a lovely girl. You look just like your mother."

"Thank you." I blushed slightly. "You knew my mom?"

"Yes we volunteered at the food pantry together when she first moved here. I wonder if she even remembers me." She laughed. "Tell her Amy Weber said hello."

"I will."

She nodded and turned her attention back to the boys who were still chattering away. Her eyes were tired but she listened to them attentively as if everything they said was the most important thing. She took a seat at the table and Angela brought her a plate.

"Thank you dear." She kissed Angela's cheek and I excused myself wanting to give them time as a family.

"I'm going to head home. Thanks for having me over." I said to Angela then to her mother, "Nice to meet you Mrs. Weber."

"Nice to meet you too dear. You're welcome anytime."

I smiled at her and headed for the door. Angela followed behind. I hugged her. "Thanks again."

"No problem."

"Hey is this yours?" Isaac came barreling down the hallway and stopped short of crashing into me by inches. He held up the small, red suede journal I'd found at the library. I'd totally forgotten I had it. I reached into the pocket of my parka where I had put it all those days ago and found that the pocket was ripped through.

"Yea. Thanks Isaac." I ruffled his hair then took the journal and slipped it into my backpack.

It was a little after seven when I got home. Charlie was lightly snoozing in the recliner with the TV tuned to ESPN. I tried to be quiet but my backpack thumped the lamp on the end table and he startled awake.

"Sorry Dad." I murmured sheepishly as I picked the lamp up off the floor.

"It's alright." He stretched and scrubbed a hand over his face. "How was your day?"

"Good." I said thinking of my time at Angela's. I kicked off my boots and shrugged out of my parka.

"I'm going to email mom and then head to bed." I peered into the kitchen before heading up the stairs. "I'll get the dishes in the morning."

"I'll get'em." He grumbled as he settled back into his recliner. "I was washing dishes before you were born."

"Ok dad." I said laughing to myself because I knew those dishes would still be in the sink come morning.

Once in my room I turned on my computer and pulled the journal out my back pack. I thumbed through it as I waited for my computer to boot up. The pages were filled with a neat slanting script. The writing was tiny as if the person writing didn't want to waste any space and needed to fit as much as possible on each page. I couldn't understand any of what was written but some of the pages held drawings. Some of them were hastily sketched renderings of flowers or herbs. There were a few pictures of people. The faces weren't drawn in any great detail but the things they were wearing were. There was a man wearing a large headdress that looked like a wolf, a young lady wearing a necklace that looked to be made out of shells, feathers and polished stones, and an elderly woman with a patterned shawl. Each illustration had a few words written beneath it.

My computer finally hummed to life. I set the journal aside and opened my email so I could write a message to my mom. I made sure to make mention of Angela's mom saying hello. After I hit send I idly surfed the internet for way too long and then hopped up to take a shower. My thoughts kept drifting between my conversation with Angela and the journal. How was I going to broach the subject of putting things on hold with Jacob and distancing myself from Edward? Who did the journal belong to and why did I feel it was so important to keep it safe. Around and around my thoughts flew.

I finished drying my hair then went and slipped the journal under my pillow. I didn't really have a reason other than I felt like I should keep it hidden. I lay down and tried to slow my racing thoughts but to no avail. I reached over and pressed play on my cd player and the haunting melodies of Florence and the Machine flooded my ears. I breathed deeply and let the melodies wash over me. It wasn't long before I felt myself begin to fade out of consciousness and into a dream.

I stood in the middle of the woods and it was nearing sundown. The sky was streaked with purple and blood orange clouds and the light was fading fast. I glanced around at the surrounding trees trying to get my bearings but this part of the wood was not known to me. Something about this place felt familiar but still off somehow. I turned about in a circle and stopped when I felt something pulling me eastward, an urge nudging me toward what, I was not sure. I took a step in that direction and the urge became stronger. I took another step and another in that direction. My pace quickened until I was running with a frenzied sense of urgency. It was nearly dark now and I was still in the middle of the woods. I needed to get to safety. I needed to get out of woods before full dark fell.

There was slight break in trees up ahead and I caught a glimpse the lighted windows of a cabin. I ran harder trying to reach that light before the sun fell beyond the horizon. I broke through the trees and into a small clearing. The cabin was situated on the other side of the clearing just short of the tree line. The soft glow of fire light spilled from the windows. I ran for the door not sure who or what might be inside but I didn't care so long as I got out of the dark. I wrenched the door open and slammed it behind me. A sense of safety and homecoming seemed to wrap around me as soon as the door closed. I leaned against the door and slid to the floor, trying to get my breathing under control.

"Hello. Is anybody home?" I said a bit breathlessly as I stood to survey my surroundings. No one answered. "Hello. Is there anybody here?" I called out again. But only the sound of a crackling fire greeted me. I thought that it should feel odd to be in someone else's home when they weren't there but I didn't. _How strange. Why does this place feel so familiar?_

I took off my jacket and hung it up on one of the coat hooks that were just to the right of the door then stepped out of my boots and set them on the shoe rack that sat beneath it. I frowned when I saw another pair of my shoes already ensconced on the rack along with a few pairs that obviously belong to a man; a pair of worn hiking boots and a few pairs of running shoes. I shook my head and then turned back to the room.

Directly to my right were stairs that I knew would take you to the singular but very large bedroom of the cabin. _How did I know that?_ A large, plush couch sat just off the wall where the steps were and opposite the couch was a huge wood burning fire place. Walking through the living room took you to a very comfortable kitchen. It wasn't large but it had everything you would need to make a nice meal. A rustic solid wood table sat in the middle of the kitchen. Three chairs on each side.

I pulled up a seat and as soon as I sat down a buffet appeared on the table. I stared at the plates upon plates of food. There were platters of filet mignon, lobster, rack of lamb and Cornish hens. Bowls of mashed potatoes, green beans, corn on the cob and stuffing. There were cakes and pies and soufflés. There was enough food here to feed a small army. I idly wondered if this would seem like a snack to Jacob and his pack.

I was pulled out of my reverie as my stomach grumbled loudly. All at once I was famished. I felt as if I hadn't eaten in weeks and I would faint if I didn't eat that very moment. There was no silverware and no plates save the serving dishes, so I contented myself with eating with my hands. I shoveled food in my mouth trying to fill the gaping hole in my belly. I ate a bit of everything but nothing seemed to satisfy. I don't know how much time passed but eventually the clawing in my stomach eased and I began to actually taste the food I was throwing at my face.

I sipped a bit of water then reached for a small bowl of chocolate pudding I had not noticed before. I was not normally a fan of pudding but it seemed to be that one bite of this would finally plug the hole. I swirled a finger through it and placed a dollop on my tongue. It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. Hand over hand I scooped it into my mouth. I emptied the bowl and proceeded to lick it clean. As the last bit left the bowl a shock went through me and the sweet taste of pudding transformed to what I can only describe as the salty metallic taste of squid ink. Yes that's exactly what it was. Just a few weeks ago Jacob and I had gone on a date and he'd ordered noodles with squid ink. I had tried it to be polite when he offered a bit but I didn't like it then and I didn't like it now, especially without the pasta to break up the taste. How in the world had I mistaken a bowl of squid ink for pudding? So much so that I licked the bowl clean!

I gagged and tried to rinse my mouth out with water but it didn't help. My stomach felt sour and sharp pains shot through my abdomen. I was feverish and I broke out in a cold sweat. My skin felt tight and my eyes felt gritty. My whole body ached as my muscles clenched against the pain. I fell to the floor, squeezed my eyes shut and curled into a ball praying that the pain would end soon. Somewhere in the night I heard a wolf howl. Without thinking I howled back.

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**I meant to post this chapter this weekend past but I got mono and slept like the dead for days.**

** I am still very tired but got up enough energy to finish this Chapter and post it today. **

** PM me or leave a review and let me know what you think. **

**I think this chapter is beautifully written but mono has got me feeling a bit loopy so I am not sure I trust my judgment right this moment. LOL Well that's enough out of me. Later gators!**


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